Blindsided to a Dark Desire
by WhoAmI659
Summary: "Maybe I'm jus' doin' ya a favor or maybe I enjoy seein' ya so helpless for once" Raph/Leo "I happen to know a little trick that'll take your mind off of Fearless" Raph/Mike "Sometimes I despise him for being so insightful and intuitive. Despise him for making me feel things that I shouldn't" Don/Leo 2014 AU/Leo and Don are gifted. T-Cest: Don't like, Don't read! No flaming.
1. Backbone

**Disclaimer**: Turtles do not belong to me, however I am borrowing them for a little bit.

**Rating**: Mature for Language, Smut, Sensitive material.

**Summary**: 2014 Movie verse with possible elements of the 2003 TV series and 2007 Movie. Both Leonardo and Donatello have supernatural gifts that originate from their Ores; a gem that they were born with in the hollow of their throat. Raphael and Michelangelo are normal mutant turtles. **T-Cest is a main part of the story, so if you don't like it, don't read it. **You have been warned.

**-** So, to sum it all up - Leonardo is frustrated that his team seems to be spiraling out of control. Donatello is trying to figure out these feelings that he has for Leo. Raphael's old crush (Fearless) comes to haunt him while he's in a relationship with Mikey. Of course Leo is oblivious that the solution to all his problems is just by letting go and saying yes, not running off to the jungle.

**A/N:** Reviews are greatly appreciated. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

_Leonardo's P.O.V._

* * *

It's never made any real sense; the fact that only two of us were gifted with an Ore.

It's never affected the functionality of our team or the integration of our brotherhood. Yet the mystery of the whole circumstance has proven to be a burden in itself.

Splinter has told me the story many times, but I've never managed to be completely satisfied with the simple explanation he provided.

His voice would drone on comfortably as he regaled the night that he'd discovered the four of us. A diverse color of huddled toddlers trailing him as he scoured through the sewers.

At the time, he'd known that he was being followed, yet he chose to convey a false air of ignorance; more out of curiosity rather than precaution.

The pitter-patter of our feet was audible to his sensitive ears. The crunch of our beaks smacking together as we devoured the trail of scraps he purposefully left behind was another dead give away. Still, he continued with this little game of follow the leader.

Finally he confronted us. With stomachs full for the first time in months, our reactions were delayed, and he easily swept us up into his arms. The warmth of his body quited our cries of fear and we immediately took to his comforting presence.

His tone would then shift to an amused lilt as he expressed the curiosity and confusion he felt at finding two of us adorned with something of a peculiarity.

While the others remained naked of this decor, two had been graced with gems glittering in the nighttime darkness. He never truly discovered the reasoning behind this fact. It wasn't until we were thirteen that we'd grown aware of the _true_ potential both Ore's contained.

Subconsciously I run my fingers over the sapphire that dimly glows in the hollow of my throat. It's edges merge with the green of my skin; an assortment of blue veins span out from under the skin that surrounds the gem.

I remember the terror that had struck my body as I fell into my secondary vision for the first time. The vibrant colors had been both overwhelming and breathtaking. I had spent three weeks walking about in a confused haze due to my altered sight; stumbling in awe as solid replicas of my brothers ran about in a shadowy haze of blue particulates.

My heightened senses and vast extensions took some time to master. It required intensive discipline, meditation, and excessive restraint. I still have a lot to learn, and I know that new abilities will continue to appear sporadically - whether they are big or small.

So far it has been nothing as extreme as my third sense; a vengeful being that I can procure. Since it's appearance I have been able to control this beast; tightening the reins as it rears it's ugly head, before it destroys and devours. But I have a feeling that notion won't last long. There's something ugly lying dormant within me and its only a matter of time before it exposes itself as well.

Fearless, that is what the others call me. Yet, in the face of this daunting situation I can feel fear itself creeping its way into my mind. I try and shake away that feeling. The feeling of all consuming darkness and dread, but it clings to me like a shrouding cloak. I may very well need to call upon the added power of my twin soul if this "feeling" ever evolves into an actual sense.

Don is the other brother to have been "born" with an Ore. He gained his senses a few weeks after I and, thankfully, they were on the more mellow side of things. Splinter had dubbed us "twin souls" ever since he discovered that each Ore had a habit of glowing brighter whenever we were in close proximity of each other. He would amusingly recall that he could never lose us as children, for we proved to be a night light of our own making.

And every time we went out of reach, an opposite reaction would occur. Our gems would dim in color and a strange feeling would overcome us; a yearning that begged for the presence of the other. The current record is a strict four miles. Once we stepped outside that range, a sharp pang would strike us without remorse, before emptiness filled our minds. It was a feeling we never wished to experience, therefore we always stayed close to each other on patrols and various outings.

The fundamentals of Don's gifts were still a little garbled for me, but I understood the gist of it. Neither of our senses were similar. He had no secondary vision such as my own, or a sense as dark as the Wrath.

Unsurprisingly Don had been laden with a more masterful sense. One filled with numbers and calculated algorithms, quantity vs quality system of operations, and a detectability of strengths and weaknesses. If he was a genius beforehand, then he'd be considered a super genius with these added abilities at his disposal.

Mikey's still convinced that we are royalty from another planet; yet to be kidnapped and worshipped as gods.

I huff out a low laugh as I recall the day he proposed this theory to me. His explanations for our situation in life was always amusing and helped each of us come to terms with a disturbing reality. Mikey was our light in the darkness. If only... No. No need to think about that.

Swiping a towel from the rack, I absentmindedly began to wipe the sweat from my neck. Despite the lack of intensity from my workout, I've managed to work up a good sweat. Donnie made sure to keep the temp levels balanced in the Wreck room, but I enjoyed fluxuating the numbers now and then. It made for a more real-life situation and I always find that to be an added bonus.

Stepping through the threshold, and into the makeshift Living room, I take a quick survey of my surroundings.

The TV hums with the sound of an ongoing battle; Mikey's right leg swung over the back of the couch as he enjoys his latest show.

The light shining from the lab signifies Don's distraction with another project. A sound, suspiciously resembling that of a metallic whirl, hints at the progress of his much needed "robotic assistant."

I pause and cock my head to the side. Narrowing my eyes I swing my head in the direction of the Dojo. There is no familiar sound of hushed curses and heavy punches. Neither are there the sounds of clinking metal or the rev of a Motorcycle's beast of an engine.

My shoulders tense as I strain to pick up some small noise that will pinpoint Raph's current whereabouts. A twinge of anxiousness crawls at the back of mind as my internal radar picks up on nothing. There was no telltale sound of the Lair's entrance being pried open or of the lift being used. That eliminates the possibility of Raph having left during my run.

There...

A subtle shift in movement...

A rough scrape of breath...

A creak...

A thump...

I shake my head as a snore rips through Raph's room. It makes sense. Raph had been pulling all nighters in the Wreck room lately. It was a wonder that he'd made it this far with such an irregular schedule.

I still can't help the surge of relief that fills me. If Raph had chosen to disobey my orders... I grimace at the thought. Not only would I have been pissed, but undoubtedly worried as well.

"Leonardo." The voice jolts me out of my thoughts. My gaze snaps upward in response and I spot the shifting shadow before it materializes before me. My mood immediately shifts into a more serious note and I fall into a mentality far beyond my years. Drawing my shoulders back and bending into a perfect bow - I proceed to greet my visitor respectively.

"Hai Sensei," I reply firmly, standing once Splinter nods his head in greeting.

His dark eyes roam over my figure in an inquiring glance; silently prodding for visual information. I can't help but stiffen at the prospect of what it is that he will find.

Flattening his ears and whipping his tail in the air, he beckons me forward. Without question I follow him to his room and skillfully toss the soiled towel in the hamper across the bathroom door.

Once I've ducked under the doorway, I obediently fall to my knees and tilt my head forward; enough so that I am seen as subservient yet at the same time - attentive.

He slips into a lotus position, laying his cane across his lap before addressing me. His senses are sharp and in focus as he strokes his beard in thought.

"How are you doing my son?"

Admittedly, this catches me by surprise. I had been expecting a conversation revolving around the development of Scorpio or perhaps another in-depth discussion on the talk of the Revolutionists; tactics, strategies, fundamentals and planning. Not this.

"Sensei?"

I shot his a questioning glance.

"Do not make me repeat myself Leonardo." His whiskers lower and his ears flare in a downward motion. I duck my head in understanding.

"I am fine Sensei. My training has been running smoothly. The others are lagging behind, but I am positive that I can get them back on track. They - we - will be ready," I pause, watching him through the haze of smoke that wafts before me. I internally growl at what I see; he is still not satisfied. I continue, bringing up the only other topic that I know he finds important.

"I am planning to visit Donnie about the chest pains. The fact that they haven't dissipated, despite the herbs, forces me to reconsider my actions in keeping this from him."

Master Splinter nods in approval.

"I'm glad to hear that my son. Although you have yet to answer my question," Splinter points out.

I pause as a twinge of confusion courses through my mind. Hadn't I already covered the basis of his question?

"You have spent more time on patrol," He continues in explanation. "You have lost body mass as well as sleep, and you have yet to eat a proper meal. So I ask, how are you doing?"

He leans forward as he waits for my answer.

I can count the number of times I have been rendered speechless; warred with myself on what I _want_ to say and what I _should_ say. This is now one of those times.

"Sensei..." I press my fingers atop my thighs, a dark ring of light green the only sign of the immense pressure I am using.

"Honestly Sensei, I am well," I swallow, "If you are asking after my physical well being, I am aware that I have been pushing my limits. Yet, you know that I am well within my right mind to register when too much is enough. As for anything else..." I glance up at him, "What makes you believe that I would be unwell otherwise?"

A huff of breath escapes his mouth, and it brushes against the top of my head. As he speaks I can hear the undercurrent of heaviness and sadness lining his every word.

"My son, you have been pushing yourself more so than normal. I sense that there is a heavy burden you are carrying and it shows in the way you manage your well being. Your brothers' focus has also been taking a detour from their own responsibilities and I suspect that it is because _you_ are distracted."

I push down the surge of irritation that rises at that. I _had_ been focused. Could he not see that the others had gone off track before I did? Was he so blind to the fact that I was the one struggling to deal with their problems; desperately scrounging around to come up with a suitable solution to their change in demeanor. Why did he always have to blame the lack of impeccable behavior and performance in my team on me?

_Because you are their leader. You are responsible to fix whatever it is that's broken. You must mold your brothers into an indestructible force that will be feared and respected by others. Your life's purpose is for them and them only. Their success is your success, as is their failures._

I bite my tongue and force myself to relax. Sensei was sensing the imbalance that was growing within me. All of which is unacceptable and I find myself berating my own actions and slip-ups.

"Forgive me Sensei. I had not realized that I was affecting my brothers in such a way. My blindness and ignorance toward this matter has caused a disruption in the family. One that I will try and resolve," I force out evenly. It is a hard pill to swallow but I know that a leader never placed the blame on others. It was unacceptable and defied the rule of conduct for a person in my position.

Splinter gives me a wan smile.

"You are their leader Leonardo. Whatever pain or turmoil you experience, will reflect in their own lives. With no guidance, they will either turn to each other for support or seclude themselves in their own worlds. Unfortunately it seems as if they have chosen the latter and that is something I will not accept. This is not how a team must function. This is not the team I raised you to be," Master Splinter heaves himself into an upright position, the head of his cane clasped firmly within his rodent-like fingers.

"For that I have made a decision," He turns to look at me; seemingly peering into my very soul with those dark, beady eyes.

"Your brothers seem to believe that a leader lost, is no different from a leader gained. This is untrue. A leader is the shoulders of which they stand upon; the backbone to something that can be so fragile. A burden such as this is no small matter and you have carried it without complaint for years. Yet, I have seen that it has taken a toll on you."

My brow furrows as I try to make sense of his low murmuring. I push down a flutter of panic.

"Therefore, I am offering you a choice. You may choose to either stay here and continue on the path that you are on, or you may embark on a journey that will help mold you into the leader that your brothers need," He uncurls a loose fist and carelessly gestures at the ceiling. Realization dawns on me, and for the second time today I am rendered speechless.

"Make no mistake," Splinter turns to the wall of weapons that glint in the warm glow of his candles, "this is not a vacation. It is a chance to further your training and to allow you to get back on your own two feet; to rediscover yourself and your purpose. I feel as if this will benefit you, as well as your brothers; allow them to realize how much it is that you need one another. The world, as we know it, is changing - evolving into something that may be its own demise. If we are to survive, you must learn to work together - lean on each other - in order to overcome these trials. Only in this, will you be successful."

I close my eyes briefly.

"But Sensei, now is not the right moment. My brothers- they are not ready. I can't abandon them in a time such as this. You've seen first hand how lethal Scorpio's men are. The Purple Dragoms were playthings compared to these thugs. And what of the Revolutionists? What if all this talk about them holds truth? I couldn't bear the thought of abandoning them in such circumstances."

I listen to the distinct rustle of his robe as he reaches for a single weapon.

"My son, your brothers are more than capable of handling themselves. Where is your trust in their capabilities?"

Trust. The thing is, I had no trust. Not with the way things had been going. I wasn't comfortable with them running things on their own. Nor did I want to leave them in this state. They would despise me if something terrible happened while I was away. They would assume that I had abondoned them and left them for naught.

But did I really want to do this? Did I want to abandon my family in favor of self discovery? Could I leave them behind all for my own improvement? Honestly, I wouldn't be able to.

But what if Splinter is right? What if the others just needed a reprieve from an overbearing leader? A leader who couldn't even lead properly? What if I was the reason behind everything falling apart?

If I said yes then I'd first have to reinforce that trust. Training was going to have to be a bitch before anything happened.

Splinter gives me a sly glance as I mull over this and I can practically see the glint of understanding residing in his gaze. He already knows what I will say before I'm even willing to accept it.

I take a deep breath and nod. Taking a stand beside my Father, I bend into another bow.

"I understand Sensei. Where will I be heading?"

My gaze flits up to his face in time to spot the small smile forming.

* * *

A/N: Splinter is so hard to write. Sorry for any mistakes and bad characterization


	2. Trust

**Chapter 2: Trust**

* * *

"Slow ya ass down Fearless," the threat beneath the guttural growl is all too obvious, "they'll have hell ta deal with if they can even catch up ta us. So ya can jus' damn well stop it wit' th' bootcamp run that's making us all, 'cept _you_, seem like lil' pathetic schoolgirls." I ignore the second eldest completely and pick up the pace just slightly in response.

Raph is really pushing it tonight, and its taking an innate amount of discipline to not just whirl around and verbally snap back at him in retaliation. Still, the residential hot head does have a point. I've been pushing all of them a little harder than normal.

Don's heavy panting is a clear sign of the exhaustion and frustration plaguing them at the moment. I bite back a snarl of urgency as my mood sours slightly, and I opt to continue with the set pace.

It seems as if my previous training sessions have failed to prepare my brothers for my more "intensive" round. The only conclusion - I have failed; failed to keep them focused and on task during our katas and daily sparring sessions.

I'd desperately been hoping that if they were able to make it through this nightly round, without a hitch, then this immense pressure of always wanting... worrying... obsessing over the need to have my brother's backs covered twenty-four seven; that it would all just dwindle down to a manageable burn at the base of my neck.

Sure, I have always been an overprotective brother; trying desperately to keep my family safe. Yet even then I knew that I could fall back on a certain truth. My brothers are highly trained ninjas and they sure as hell can handle themselves.

But now... things have been blurred out of reality. So badly... that... I have opted to accept Splinter's offer; an offer that will change my life forever.

I will be leaving for Central America sometime soon and I have yet to tell my brothers.

_"I just need to rebuild that trust I once had for them and then I can leave,"_ I remind myself sternly.

I need to trust that they can handle themselves. A trust in Raphael to keep a level head when the tables turn, for Mikey to pay attention when it no longer is just a game, or for Donnie to release his passive nature when it comes down to the nitty-gritty.

Call me selfish, but I desperately need this cushion to fall back on; an insurance of sorts if you will. They have been begging for independence in their own weird way and here I am about to give it to them.

I can't leave them just yet though. I have to be sure that I am doing the right thing; that they really don't need me...

Yet, I can't deny the niggling doubt of that ever occurring. I love my brothers too much to just let them go that easily. If it only weren't one hellava confusing situation, then it'd be so much easier.

A gravelly voice breaks me from my thoughts.

"I ain't shelling wit' ya Leo. Slow the fuck down, or else I'll make sure ya ain't able to run for a week." Raph threatens - baiting me - as his hands clench into imposing fists. Instead I grit my teeth and keep on running; the only sounds being that of our breaths mingling with the nighttime air.

It isn't long before that silence is broken yet again.

"L_eoooooooo_, fuckin' slow down will ya? Dude, you sure as hell know how to suck the fun outta anythin' don'tcha." Mikey whines with an over dramatic sigh as he thumps a loose fist against the back of my shell.

Out of all of them, it is he who keeps up with me for the majority of the run. He has an uncanny talent for natural athleticism, but his mind always manages to hold him back. If it isn't fun or interesting at all, then it isn't important to him in his book. Sometimes that proves to be aggravating for me, but he's my kid brother and I can't hold something like that against him.

I shake my head, for I know that I've just lost this battle of wills with him. I have no defense against Mikey's famous _I'm-gonna-get-my-way-no-matter-what_ tactics.

Training will just have to be tougher next time around. The jungle will still have to wait.

Giving Raph a furtive glance and spotting the sharp smirk he flashes at Mikey, I silently roll my eyes. Basic training will definitely be intense next time around.

Brushing my fingers across the blue sapphire hanging about my neck, I concentrate on centering myself; leaving behind all earthly matter before the dragon tattoos littered about the left side of my body glows an erotic shade of neon blue. Drawing in the energy hovering about my form, I cast my sixth sense outward, and scan the surrounding area for any other life signals that will entail immediate danger.

The small tendrils of light eagerly probe and prod the surrounding surface. They skim over bricks and air, searching for anything that may allow for them to release the pent up energy surging through their veins.

It always amazes me how bloodthirsty this certain "sense" can become; always seeking for a possible victim to overcome and devour.

My strength begins to bleed out of my body as the extension of my reach grows, yet I ignore the side effect of slight fatigue. Using the Ore is a helpful tool, while simultaneously proving to be a liability as well.

Only in the presence of Don do I ever use it, on account that it proves to leach power from the very essence of my core, leaving me in a dangerous situation if I lose my hold on the sense.

Finding no threat to be lurking by, I release a low sigh -the glow of my eyes and emblems fade away in response- and ease up on the pace.

I narrow my eyes in concentration, seeking for the best turnoff point that will grant us sufficient cover. Giving a slight grunt in warning, I raise a single tight fist and give the signal.

Instantaneously everyone disperses into the shadows; each turtle pairing up with another and veering off into different directions.

I can sense Don trailing in close behind me, and I am not surprised. It always ends up this way - Don and I, and Mikey with Raph. And I can't help but feel as if this is what I'd miss the most. The structure, the familiarity, the closeness of me and my family.

Slowing my breathing, I continue to watch with sharp eyes for any sign of potential pursuers; massive, lethal and extremely pissed off.

I sniff the air as unease sweeps through me. The night had been uneventful except for a few low key robberies. Still, that doesn't mean bigger problems can still arise.

Don places a hand on my shoulder in question and I can feel that he has grown unsettled as well. Crouching low to the ground I reach outward and grip his forearm firmly; lightly tapping a message against his green skin.

_Scorcherz - 12 o'clock. Do not engage._

He swiftly taps his forefinger on my shell in understanding before slinking off to tell the others.

I draw my attention once more on the shadowed outskirts of the building. Every nerve in my body is fired up, each muscle is quivering in anticipation, and every fiber of my being is alight with adrenaline.

I can practically smell them. Their dark, beady eyes roaming over every crack, crevice, and set of stone that lies in their path as they seek for their next prey.

One must truly be higher in skill and experience to beat them at their own game of "cat and mouse." A variety of weapons always dangle from their waists; sledgehammers, axes, and gunmetal firearms hung to them like dear old friends.

They reek from the stench of day old blood, most likely a criminal war lord that went way over their head in pissing off the Scorpio-King. These men are dangerous and skillfully trained.

This gang has prove that they have the potential to be worse than the Purple Dragons. They are ruthless and bloodthirsty. I fear that if my brothers encounter them once I leave, that they will not be able to hold their own.

Perhaps I should have allowed the team to engage. To let Raph burn off some steam, to see how well Mikey and Don fight once paired up with one another, to determine if they are truly ready.

I internally sigh.

No.

Another night will better suit this purpose.

I press myself up against the wall behind me, inching my way toward the ledge in order to sneak off down below.

A sudden scuffle to my immediate right makes me freeze in apprehension. My head whips around and the sight I am greeted with makes my gut clench.

The unmistakable glint of twin sais flash through the air before making deadly accurate contact with its target. Red hot liquid spurts forth in rapid rivulets, bathing the concrete in a bright hue, before streaming down into a fast flowing puddle.

Clenching my teeth in anger, I silently curse the actions of my immediate younger brother.

All hell breaks loose once the gang registers that one of their own has been taken down; forcing Mikey and Don to engage in battle.

They swing their weapons through the air in rapid succession; slicing through flesh and bone in order to render their opponents cripple and useless.

I can't help but feel as if this night is only going to get worse.

With a final huff of aggravation, I unsheathe myself from the shadows and enter the ensuing fight with swift vengeance.

I seemingly glide through the multitude of bodies that begin to swarm out of nowhere. Behind me I can clearly hear Raph streaming off a handful of colorful choice words and I once more grimace at the thought of this newer habit he has recently formed.

Raph has been growing more clever; sneaking off without a word in order to go Bar hopping with Casey. I will definitely be having words with him later.

A strangled scream for help pulls me out of my thoughts, and I whirl around to quickly assess the situation.

"Shit!" I barely take note of my own cussing and instead focus on my brother. Don's surrounded by an overwhelming amount of Scorcherz and its not looking so good. He's already bleeding upside the head, and has a minimum of six fractured ribs by the way he's holding himself. The end of his Bo is in a condition that suggests a paper shredder has gotten to it.

"I'm coming for you Don, just hold on!" I command firmly as I surge towards him.

My Katana sings a beautiful tune as it soars through empty space and solid matter; latching onto delicate skin before tearing it open with surprising ease.

Leaping forward - while using the keeled over gangster as a stepping block - I catapult through the air and land in a crouch no more than five yards before Donatello.

Dark brown orbs snap to my own in a panicked frenzy, while lightened green lips form my name.

"Donnie!" I snarl in desperation; my heart pounding in my ears.

But I am too late. I freeze as a shard of smooth metal pierces his body; the sound of cracking bones and ripped skin grates against my ears. Blood thickly oozes from the wound, while simultaneously winding it's way down his chin and dripping onto his chest. He falls to his knees with a jarring thud, eyes glazing over as he continues to stare at me in a cry for help. For a moment I am nothing but numb.

Then, it is as if time has sped forward. Dread slams into me as my mind puts together what I have just seen. I feel as if my heart has wrenched itself out of my body as his pained gaze probes my own. Before I am able to take my next breath, a blinding light appears, casting my shadow against the backdrop of the city. Prying my eyes open once it disappears, all I am met with is an already cooling pool of blood.

_Donnie... No..._


	3. Roly-Poly

"Yo Leo, a lil' help over here!?"

I shake my head as another shell smacks into my own, almost knocking me over.

Taking in a sharp breath I look over my shoulder in time to spy Michaelangelo twirling his nunchucks in a fan-like motion; disarming his opponents and smacking them in their rear whenever he can.

During this whole ordeal, a stray blade manages to nick Mike along his forearm as he blocks an oncoming knife; blood staining the wraps about his wrist. The stench immediately hits my nose and it triggers something within me.

_Donnie... Mikey... Hell no..._

"Mike, hold unto your shell," I warn before leaping unto his back; digging my knees alongside his body to keep my balance.

Flashing my teeth in anticipation, I aim my Katana in preparation, and attack. Tendrils of blood archs through the air; droplets splashing against the cold concrete in a picture of gore and askew justice.

"Dudes! Fear my four-armed awesomeness!," my little bro chuckles beneath me. It must be a sight to behold; me hitching a ride on Mike's shell while shadowing his movements with my own.

The slight animosity from earlier has fled from Mikey as he enjoys the fight, and I can't help but smirk in amusement.

It's safe to say that I am well within my element. Nothing can stop me; not the increasing number of foes, or even the feel of hot sticky liquid pooling in the crevice of my hands.

It's an instinctual act; releasing my fury upon those that have proven to be threatening; that have hurt Don and are trying to take down Mikey. However the severity of such anger has never been so profound. I've never had anger issues as explosive as Raph's; a shrapnel of ire and heat scathing those who happen to be in his line of fire. Still that doesn't mean I don't have my own devil of a temper.

Normally, I'd have a tight cap on such a destructive nature. As of now, the rules have become blurred; emotions are amplified and restraint is lost. I am thirsty for more, and I know exactly how to quench that desire.

"Roly poly," I bark out and I can feel Mikey tense in understanding. This is a move we used to do as toddlers; one Mikey especially loved.

Assuring that my grip on him is secure, I reseathe my Katana, and grow taught in preparation. Mikey whoops out in joy as I throw my upper body backward in a semblance of a back flip. Keeping my legs wrapped about Mike's upper torso, I fling him up in the air. I release him in time to avoid smacking him against the floor and he slingshots across the asphalt on his shell.

"Take that you vile villains!," he bellows as he knocks down a group of men; aiming his weapons along their weak points and soft spots.

Flipping back up into a defensive stance, I ignore Mikey's enthusiastic fighting and zero in on my own enemy. I give a low chuckle as I tower over the man trembling before me. The terror in his eyes fuel my desire and something within stirs dangerously.

My lunge is followed by a delicious scream and a sudden burn within me ignites. Shaking my head, I grimace as my Wrathful sense crackles with a deep want, and I struggle to try and contain it. I need Donnie.

"Leo!"

I whirl around at the sound of Mikey's sharp yell; panting as I try to hold the monster within. My gaze catches a flash of orange a few paces away and I snarl at the sight of him struggling to remain upright. Several members have latched themselves along his shell in an attempt to weigh him down. The glint of a switchblade eludes to their intent, and my sense urges me on; to destroy, to protect, and to feed.

I slam the handle of my katana against the temple of a lone straggler, and race my way over to my other brother's side. But by the time I reach him he is gone in a flash of light; same as Donatello.

I come to a sudden halt; heart thudding wildly and senses heightening automatically.

"Shell no. Not again," I growl in frustration.

The Wrath tries to drag me toward the remaining members, but I manage to control the urge and instead choose to ignore the beacons of pulsating life.

"Raph!" I call out briskly, gripping the handles of my Katana tightly.

"Leo! S'that ya?!" his voice eminates from behind. I spin around and go shell to shell with him in answer.

Fighting back to back, I assess him mentally for any injuries, and am glad to only find a few cuts and bruises; nothing too major.

"We can't keep this up Raph," I headbutt a guy covered in a maze of tattoos before tossing him into his friends, "We gotta-"

"Shell it Leo," Raph cuts me off with an annoyed snarl. Typical. Raphael never likes running from a fight, no matter the consequences. Instead, he chooses this as the time to play twenty questions.

"Where's the others?" he demands impatiently. I grit my teeth in anger as I duck a flying fist.

"What did'ya do? Huh?" His shell scrapes against mine as he leap-kicks his opponent. I use this opportunity to sweep my leg in a three hundred and sixty degree angle; thugs drop like crazy as I take them by surprise.

"Shit Leo, why aren't you with them?" Ralph's elbow grazes my ear as he takes a swing at the giant man before him.

"Leo!" Raph barks out at me. Ignoring him for the moment, I proceed to execute a perfect scissor cut that takes down the last of the Scorcherz.

I stand here, sweat dripping down my body, amid rotting flesh and silently cursing winds. The stench of blood - thick, and sorely tasting of heavy copper - causes for me step back as a wave of intense hunger washes over me.

Suddenly there is a green hand spinning me around, partially yanking me back into reality, and bringing me in close by the straps that hold my Katana in place. Drawing his face near, and practically barring his teeth, Raphael growls out at me in an almost incoherent bark of harsh accusation.

"Where's Mike and Don?" he searches my eyes desperately, hoping for an answer that he can accept. It's hard for me to answer. My thoughts are all jumbled and I can't seem to focus. But somehow I manage to utter a response.

"They're gone," I bite out, my tongue subconsciously running over the tips of my teeth. Raph pauses and I know that he can see what's happening. He can spot the animal trying to force its way out and I spy some foreign emotion swimming in his eyes.

My sudden mood has invoked something within him and suddenly I am afraid. Afraid that he'll try and push me to where I will lose full control; to where I may unintentionally hurt him. Thankfully, he realizes that this is not wise and pushes me away with a hint of disgust.

"Damn ya Leo," he shakes his head as an unamused chuckle forces its way from deep within his throat. Pointing at me, he glares harshly.

"I told th'm, and here ya are provin' me right once and for all."

"You told them? Told them what exactly?" I question with a clear edge to my voice.

"Shell it Leo. I've had enough of this bullshit," I jerk my head back at that. My eyes widen as I catch him bringing his Sai high above his head; the glinting, sharp point facing downward at a dangerous angle.

"Raph don't you dare!" I order angrily, dismissing my sense that hums with approval at the prospect of more blood.

Ralph's golden eyes narrow as he gives me a mock salute.

"See ya on the other side bro," he sneers before digging his Sai hilt deep in his chest. Blood immediately spurts up from his heart, and rains down upon the ground, drenching both his belt and the rooftop in a mere couple of seconds.

A flash of blazing white emitts from his body, turning his skin a pure translucent green. Rays of light stream forth from his eyes, ears, nose and mouth; spilling about like an overfilled dam. His beak gapes wide open in a silent scream, before he vanishes like all the others.

My Katana clatter to the ground as anger and pain floods me. My breathes quicken, and I struggle not to rip my mask off and shred it into pieces. Every cell in my body is yelling at me to run - run from what I've just seen, run from the trial of blood flowing down to my feet- but I don't. I can't.

Then, it as if all the breath has been squeezed out of my lungs - the shock of this sensation making me gasp out in surprise.

Invisible fingers squeeze my throat with an iron grip, blocking off my airways and successfully choking me. A sudden deep ache burns within each pulmonary as they scream for air. My fingers immediately claw at my throat in an act of instinct, desperately trying to fight my way out of this unforeseen predicament.

My vision begins to grow blurry and black spots dance before my eyes. Blood pounds in my ears, and I can hear the rapid pace of my heartbeat as I continue to struggle.

A hot breath seemingly spreads out across the side my face, and intangible fingers dig deeper into my flesh.

Releasing one strangled breath, I slump in defeat as a strobe of light engulfs my prone form.

* * *

Confused? Well that's alright. Everything will hopefully be explained in the next chapter. Thanks for reading, and remember... Reviews are welcomed, flames aren't.


	4. Ninja

_Raphael - tense, angry and beyond clear rational thought - a hand curled into a fist as bright pink paint drips down the curve of his beak._

_Mike - young, naive, and unwilling to fight back in order to prevent unintentional injury - eyes wide in a mixture of shock and fear._

_It's clear to see that Raphael is still wound up from our earlier argument. I can see the pulse at his neck as it heaves in tune with his heart just as well as I can spy the sweat beading down his temple. Mikey is caught in the corner with a stray water balloon held loosely in his fingers; his free hand idly scratching at the back of his neck. These small clues are all it takes for me to understand how everything played out. _

_Mike never enjoys seeing either of his brothers in distress; whether it be physical or emotional. All he wants is to hear Raph laugh; to see the glint of humor and mischief in his eyes again. So he does what he does best - be Mikey. Yet Raph is on too short of a fuse to understand that our little brother only wants to help; to calm the raging storm and restore the balance. Raphael is blinded by his anger; all he sees is red and all he will do is react on instinct. Raph has the potential to explode and destroy everything around him; including himself. _

_In a matter of seconds I wedge myself between the two; slamming a fist against Raph's chest and raising my free arm in a basic block. __My hand hums from the force it undertakes as I swiftly catch Raph's punch and expertly twist his arm behind his back. My own arm aches from the force of Raph's throw, yet I remain firm and unforgiving with my grip. _

_"_Watch yourself Raphael. A _temper out of hand, is a flaw exposed," I murmur low in his ear before loosening my hold on him. He whips himself around in a huff - an argument at the tip of his tongue and a fire alight in his eyes - then freezes at what he sees. I turn around to find Mike with his head between his knees and his hands over the top of his head; the balloon forgotten at his feet._

_Preventing Raph from approaching the youngest, I crouch down before him and brush my hand over Mikey's knuckles. He jerks his head up in response and it pains me to see it in Michelangelo's eyes - the simple fact that he now understands even those close to you have the potential to be cruel. _

* * *

Darkness...

Complete... and utter... darkness...

Not a single sound to be heard...

Neither is there a single light to be seen...

Yet there is a hint of warmth...

The scent of grease and black coffee...

A sensation of safety...

familiarity...

tenderness...

* * *

_Donnie's hand hovers over my Ore; hesitant as he debates over whether what he is going to do is a good idea. His eyes shift around in slight nervousness, his fingers flex in a beat of anxious preparation and his breathes come out in shallow spurts. Otherwise he remains almost lifeless._

_"Don," I lightly touch the back of his fingers, "what's wrong?"_

_His brown gaze flits to mine and I can see that he is thinking; calculating all the possible outcomes. __I can picture the gears within his head turning; pieces flitting about, begging to be put into its correct place in order to reveal a logical enough answer. Earlier he was so confident in his decision, yet now he seems to be second guessing himself - unsure and wavering. It isn't reassuring in the least. _

_I lean back, distancing myself from his touch as he mulls over what it is that he wants to do._

_"Don, you don't have to do this," I whisper softly, holding back a racking cough. The sickness has progressively been growing worse and there seems to be no cure. Illness is no stranger to any one of us, yet I can tell that both Splinter and Don are growing worried. So I am not surprised once Don approaches me with an idea; a possible solution that he is spending his free nights searching for. What does surprise me is the solution he has found. _

_"You're hurting," he snaps back. I frown at his tone and continue to lean away from him. His ever perceptive gaze catches this and he stops me with a single touch to the arm. His gaze softens as he presses his forehead against mine, his breath washing over my face. My gaze seeks out his own and _I can see my pain reflected in his eyes.__

_"You're hurting and it's hurting me to see you like this Leo. I can practically feel the pain and the pressure," he elaborates. His fingers idly trace the back of my neck as he continues._

_"I want to help you, but I don't want to hurt you even more. I've made all the calculations and there's -" his eyes focus on my Ore for the umpteenth time, "sixty-five percent chance for survival."_

_Slowly I find his free hand and squeeze it gently. _

_"It will be fine Don. I promise," I offer him a small smile as I draw away. He takes a deep breath and gives a nod in affirmation. __I brace myself for what will happen next; my eyes shutting in acceptance._

_"I'm sorry..." A soft whisper reaches my ears before olive fingers kiss the surface of my Ore._

* * *

Lethargically opening my eyes, a low groan escapes from deep within. Colors skim before my eyes in an inconceivable mixture of purple, orange, red and green as I fight to return to consciousness; a haze of memory trying to override my sense of reality.

"... slowly coming around," a familiar voice murmurs lowly.

"Donnie?," I croak out.

"Yeah, it's me. Just..." he releases a breath of concern, "just keep still Leo, it's alright."

"Alright? _Alright_?! Ya know damn well it ain't jus' _alright_. Move outta the way so I can beat his ass," Raph bellows out in a fit of rage.

"Please calm down Raphael," Don intones, "the memory flow may be interrupted if you decide to bust your own arse in a fit of anger."

"Yeah dude, _relax_. It was only just a game," Mike remarks.

"Was I talking to you? No. So shut the fuck up shell-head," Raph snaps in irritation, his booming voice making my headache all the more unbearable. It's as if a bomb has gone off in my head and I can barely think straight. My body feels heavy and my chest throbs with a dull ache; the feeling amplified in the hollow of my neck. Slowly I draw my arms beneath me and pull myself up into a sitting position.

"Don? What the hell happ-"

In the next instant I find myself being shoved up against the wall. A pair of thick fingers dig deep into my neck with increasing pressure; threatening to leave a ring of dark bruises. I draw in ragged breaths as I focus on the angry face before me - Raphael. His golden eyes are smoldering with an intense fire that highlights the red color of his mask and his anger.

Raph is truly terrifying when he wants to be, and anyone else would be having a downright heart attack right about now. But I know better. I have seen him at the end of his rope and right now I know that he is still in control. All he wants is to see me squirm, to make me feel out of sorts, yet I won't give him the satisfaction. He's fishing for a fight; a fight with me. But I refuse to take the bait.

Donnie has spent months working on the project - aka The Wreckroom; trying to perfect it into the most complex piece of machinery he has ever procured. Which is an understatement, since our residential genius has created a way for us to enter a world made out of nothing but our own thoughts.

Mikey sees it as the most advanced video game he's ever had. I tend to view it as an escape from reality and a perfect way to conduct training sessions.

There are four large cubicles placed directly in the midst of the room. Wires and pipes of all kinds line the walls and ceiling; giving off a muted neon blue and purple glow. Heart monitors and recent scans of our brainwave activity light up the screens, and right now my readings are going haywire.

"Shit Leo, I should shove your head up your own ass and toss you into the P.I.T.," Raph growls out menacingly. My beak wrinkles in disgust as the stench of cheap alcohol wafts up to my nose.

_"Seriously Raph? Drinking with Case again._" Now I understand why Raph has been on such a short fuse lately. He always tends to get pissy when intoxicated.

Despite my initial directive to remain indifferent, I can't help but feel angered as well. I'm angry at him for making things harder than they need to be. I am angry because of his repelling mood and his obvious disregard for my orders. The frustration continues to build at an exponential rate and for the first time in my life I feel like I am going to lose it. I bare my teeth and glare back at him in return. The ghost of my hunger is feeding off of the hostility brewing between us and if I'm not careful - all hell can break loose.

"If you want to fight... so badly Raph... why... don't you let go of me? Or... are you too... scared?" I gasp out in strangled breaths.

Immediately his eyes narrow dangerously, and I can see the fierce _want_ swimming in the depth of his pupils. His fingers tighten about the flesh of my neck, and his breaths quicken in anticipation.

"Is th't so Fearless?" his voice rumbles deeply; faint puffs of his breath curling about my cheek, "maybe I'm jus' doin' ya a favor, or maybe I enjoy seein' ya so helpless for once."

A surge of pure white anger rises in me at that, and in retaliation I bring my right arm around in a high arch; slamming my elbow in the crook of his arm.

Instinctively I wedge my knee between us and slam the heel of my foot against his plastron. Almost instantaneously his fingers lose their hold on me, and I am able to draw in a jagged breath. Pushing against the wall, I stagger to a stand; posture erect, and muscles tense.

Raph rubs his plastron subconsciously as he flashes his teeth at me in a mixture of excitement and challenge. A primal instinct urges me to react, to show this underling who is boss. Growling deep within my throat, I prepare to lunge.

Suddenly a blur of purple materializes before me and I pause. His scent hits me before anything else and I take a moment to fully register the olive colored hand extended in my direction.

"Knock it off or else I'll be forced to place _both_ of you in the P.I.T." Don's sharp voice lashes through the air; leaving no room for argument and snapping me out of my rage induced state. Raph's grimace mirrors my own as we both register the implications of Don's threat. There is never any love lost for the P.I.T.; another one of Don's projects that tends to have no real positive admiration from the four of us.

Donnie is addressing either of us, but his eyes are solely fixed on me. He's silently pleading for me to end this; for me to reinforce his sentiment and back up his peacemaking ways. Don is never one for violence, yet he acknowledges the necessity for force once in a blue moon.

Glancing at Raph, I come to find him coiled tight - muscles bulging, breath shortening, eyes blazing. He's a bullet ready to be fired and I'm the one holding the trigger. Taking a step back I clear my mind, relax my posture, and draw in a steady breath; re-garnering that control I am so famous for and snuffing out my anger. Unconsciously Raphael follows suite. The fight that could so easily be found in him a moment before slowly dissipates. Don and I are close. Closer than anyone in both mind and spirit. Yet there is no denying that Raph and I seem to be wired together in an unidentifiable way of emotions and physical actions; our own form of communication.

I can recall a time when we'd silently interact through our movements in a friendly spar. Hits, grunts, sighs and a flash of a smile had the ability to tell a whole story; to relay emotions and reassurances. Unassuming onlookers viewed our fights as mere training; our way of life. When in reality those spars were a verbal dance of words and side conversations. But times have changed and what was once special has now been corrupted by an unseen force. Now our fights are full of aggressive behavior, and insecure thoughts. Once a sucker punch to the shoulder meant "_Hey bro, sup?_" Now it screams "Get _outta my face or I'm gonna rearrange yours_."

I release a sigh through my nose and rub the bridge of my beak to ease the mounting headache. I need to recenter myself and refocus. This family is turning upside down and I feel as if I am following suit. Shit, I really do gotta get out of here before things get worse.

"Look guys," I cross my arms over my chest and roll my neck; satisfied to feel my control back in place,"we are not a proper unit out there. You've just witnessed how disorganized we are and how easily we were all taken out." There is no accusation or hidden hostility, just mere observation coloring my voice.

"Yeah, well, maybe if you'd told us that we were headin' inta a level seven shit yard then things would'a been different," Raph throws in with his usual arrogant snarl.

I shake my head and shift my weight; thinking. Slowly I try and explain. If only Rahpael could just take a step back and take a breath, to think and process. Then things would be so much easier.

"That's the point Raph. We can't expect for everything to play out perfectly. In a real world situation, even a well thought out plan can fall apart in a second. We have to be prepared for anything and everything; to be able to overcome a mission gone bad or a variable overlooked. Honestly, I don't feel like we are ready for that," for a moment I am met with mere silence. Then Raph shakes his head and breathes out a sigh of harsh chuckles. Gritting his teeth, he gazes at me evenly.

"I get whatcha sayin' Fearless. Despite misguided belief I can read in between the lines just fine older brother," he crosses his arms over his plastron and cocks his head to the left before taking small menacing steps toward me.

"I ain't behaving well enough for you right? You want me to fall in'ta line like a good solja boy; followin' orders like it's all dandy and shit. Well let me tell you this," he extends a hand and roughly pokes me in the chest.

"I ain't no solja Leo and it's about fucking time that you figure that out. I'ma Ninja, and I can damn well do what'eva I want."

"You're damn right you're a ninja. I'm just waiting for you to act like one," I bite out with a sharp hiss.

"What the hell did you just say?" Raph roars out, "How dare you! You little fucking bi-"

"That's enough Raphael. Training session is over," Don cuts in. I give him a questioning look; surprised at this intervention. Donatello rarely gets in between one of our fights. Normally he just observes or lets us have our space.

"Is that so Brainiac?" Raph grumbles snidely, "who says that I have'ta listen to you?" he finishes with an icy glare and I take that as my cue to step in.

"I say so," my voice is firm and hopefully Raph knows better than to argue with me on this. Especially when Don or Mike become involved. Raphael's expression is a mixture of anger, and frustration. For a moment I think that he's not going to let this go, but at the last second he whips himself around with a huff and stalks away with pronounced footsteps.

"Ain't he just a ray of sunshine?" Mike pipes up with sarcastic mirth. I can't help but frown in thought.

"No, that's you Mike," he turns to me with a questioning look. On impulse I extend a finger and lightly bop him on the beak. A cheeky grin breaks out across his face and it feels good to see him smiling. I jerk my chin in the general direction Raph has just walked off.

"It'd be best if you talked with him, get him to cool down before he breaks something. You have a way of knocking some sense into that thick skull of his," Mike gives me a smirk filled with hidden meaning, but before I can question him he's already out the door.

* * *

I apologize for any mistakes. This is the first time I am attempting a story such as this, let alone dealing with this fandom. Reviews are welcomed as always, and well... you should know by now how I feel about flaming. Thanks for reading!


	5. Cowabunga

_Michelangelo's P.O.V_

* * *

I pause before Raph's door, the crude sign of - _Warning: Violaters punched on Site; Ain't no such thing as Survivors - _exude the element of danger and aggression.

A smile tugs at the corner of my lips as I catch sight of something akin to a memento amongst the stickers and hand drawn doodles. I idly trace the stray mark along the wooden surface as a memory tugs at the forefront of my mind. The rut is about the size of my finger and smooth to the touch; a perfect replica molded to the shape of a random scute along my carapace.

I can clearly recall the morning that I had unintentionally caused such damage; having been shoved up against it by a certain hot head. It was a day that Raph had gotten more than a little... aggressive. Luckily enough both Don and Leo had been gone that day, and Splinter had been paying April a visit.

With one final glance at the small nick, I push open the door and step into an atmosphere of almost complete darkness. A heavy musk of diesel, metal, and sweat wafts to my nose. It is the scent of Rapheal, and I can't help the flutter of excitement that stirs within.

As suspected Raph's at his personal punching bag; pounding away with impressive force and a fierce drive. The leather material hanging about his hips swing in correspondence with each throw; emphasizing the true strength he maintains, of which I am all too aware of.

I close the door softly behind me and take a single moment to merely observe; gain a proper understanding of where exactly Rapheal is on an emotional and mental level.

Raph can be tricky. He can be unpredictable at times, yet still remain an open book. It can be damn frustrating and exciting, and I love him all the more for it.

Shaking my head slightly, I peer at him closely. My eyes catch unto the flex of muscle as he moves with such focus. He's angry. Obviously; no surprise there. But he's also confused. Almost as if he himself doesn't fully understand where all this aggression is coming from; wild and a loose cannon. Approachable but still armed and dangerous. I smirk with this newfound knowledge. Leo's right; I know just what he needs.

A bead of sweat trails down the sharp line of muscle beneath terrapin skin and I cock my head to the left as I take particular note of it.

"Damn," I wander closer, "have I ever told you how sexy you look when you're beating the shit out of that poor defenseless bag?"

Raph stops mid-punch and looks at me over his shoulder. His anger dissipates for a moment as he acknowledges my presence. His smile is all sharp teeth and cocky self assurance; filled with the charismatic nature of a predator.

"I can't say that ya have," he rumbles out in amusement; a dark glint in those honey gold eyes. A low chuckle breaks free from my throat as I saunter closer to him; swinging my hips to an internal rhythm.

"Well I'm telling you now, aren't I?" I muse innocently, as I trail a hand along his jaw, and down his neck, before coming to a rest at the base of his head.

"What do ya want knucklehead?" he proceeds to unwrap the strip of tape about his knuckles, "don't tell me, Leo sent ya didn't he?"

I mock pout at him and lean in just a little closer; drawing a finger across the thick strip of leather tassels hanging over his groin. His breath deepens slightly and I can feel the tension slowly leach from his body. I manage to hold back a smile at the expected reaction.

"Yeah, but that's not why I came. I wanna know what's got you so fired up bro," my tone is casual but my body language is insistent, "you've been ditching me for the Wreckroom at night and sleeping most mornings. Now this? What's got you wound up so tight?"

Raph huffs out a breath as he brings his hand to my face and I know he doesn't want to talk about it. I playfully try to nip at him in defiance and he mock swats at me in reprimand. Still, he gets the hint and reluctantly divulges some information. It ain't everything, but when has Raph ever been the talking type?

"Leo jus' gets to me sometimes Mike, and it fuckin' pisses me off," his mask scrunches along his brow as he scowls, "where does he go off tryin' to act like we're the problem anyhow? In any case it's his own damn fault. Acting all high and mighty. Talking about makin' us better, and that its all for the team. I swear that he just tries to make me look bad in front of everyone."

Suddenly he looks almost... uncomfortable, "Mikester, I... hope you know that I wasn't mad at you earlier," He shrugs, "Ya know me. I ain't the most _civilized_ turtle in the world."

My eyes follow the path of the lone toothpick as it rolls around his mouth while he talks. It's so close that I could just almost steal it with a quick snap of my teeth; distracting and tempting.

"Are ya even listenin' to me Mike?" his voice is rough. He's just apologized - a rarity if anything - and to him it I seems that I don't really give a fuck. Quickly I snap to attention.

"Yeah, yeah but geez Raph," I bring my gaze back to his eyes, "you have got to stop lettin' Leo get to ya so much," I chide with a small frown of my own.

Normally this wouldn't bother me. Raph and Leo get into little spats all the time. Yet it's been occurring more often than not. It's gotten to the point where Raph's mind is dwelling on Leo, to the point of obsession, and ignoring more important things; moi.

He merely grunts in response and I can tell that his mind is wandering again. The spark of frustration is back in his eyes and I internally sigh with the knowledge that it's Leo once more.

"You know..." if I had eyebrows, they'd be waggling all over the place, "I happen to know a little trick that'll take your mind off of Fearless," I add with a coy smile.

"Yeah?" He blinks and zones back in on me. His eyes are now alight with excitement and lust; mirroring my own.

"Hmmmhm," I tilt my head and lean into his body, "and if you're a good boy..." I let his imagination take hold and finish the thought for me.

He gives a small grunt in approval before bullying me into place with his body and hands. His grip grows rough and I can't help the excitement that shoots through me. Once my shell smacks against the far wall he's attacking me in a flurry of lips, heated touches, and rough nudges.

His tongue pries my beak apart and begins a fevered exploration of the roof of my mouth. It's clear that there's still plenty of energy for him to burn off by the way he's playing.

The kiss lasts for what seems like hours and finally I pull back to take in a lungful of air.

I give a small laugh and a wide smile as I twirl the thin piece of wood that's magically transferred its way between my own two teeth.

Raph's eyes watch me closely, waiting for the right moment to pounce once more.

The red of his mask heightens the desire swirling in his eyes and I almost feel hypnotized; like a younger Mike, falling for the whims of his older brother for the first time, all over again. Slowly I tangle my hand in Raph's bandana tails and tug him closer.

"Cowabunga," I murmur before he hits me hard...

on the mouth..

only...

with his lips...

* * *

A/N: Happy New Year!


	6. Otouto

**Quick Glossary**

* * *

**Otouto:** Younger brother.

**Ani:** Older brother.

**Kusazuri:** Iron or leather plates hanging from the front and back to protect the lower body and thigh.

**Haidate:** Equivalent to loose thigh armour.

**Obi:** Broad sash worn about the waist.

**Scabbard:** Sheath for holding a knife, katana, or any other kind of blade.

* * *

_Leonardo's P.O.V_

"What's wrong?" I ask absentmindedly; the memory of Mike's expression tugging at something within.

In all honesty I just want to be left alone; to reevaluate, plan and execute. Mikey is an extraordinary being and normally I regard his quirky nature without question. Still, I can't help but feel as if I am missing something.

Despite my curiosity being piqued, I push it to the back of my mind, and force myself to focus on the brother beside me. I can sense that Don feels curious and perhaps a bit unsettled. Questions are bubbling at the forefront of his mind and I know without looking at him that he wishes to talk; gather the necessary intel in order to fully understand what is going on. Yet, there is something holding him back, and he's warring with an internal debate on whether he should confront me, or keep silent and leave me to my thoughts.

"Isn't that the question of the day?" He remarks smoothly while crossing his arms over his chest and jostling the arrangement of solar panels used as his makeshift kusazuri.

Something in his voice plays a strange tune and I cock my head encouragingly; hoping that he'll catch the hint and go into deeper detail. _Tell me what's wrong Donnie._

He immediately catches on and his expression turns dour.

"Oh no. I'm not falling for this trick," Donatello remarks flippantly. I merely give him a slight shrug before dipping my head. _If you don't want to talk, then I won't force you._

"You say that but I know you wish to pursue this further," he comments. I splay my fingers out in a "whatever" gesture; feigning indifference._ You said it, not me._

"You want to get inside my head don't you? You want me to spill my guts so you won't go around agonizing over what has me wound so tight, right?" I straighten and draw my shoulders back; the string of wooden rods that make up my breastplate clink together at the sudden movement. My eyes narrow and my lips pull back in a grimace. As I suspected. _Donster, you're upset with me. Aren't I right?_

A tilt of the chin and readjustment of stance allows for me to gaze at him with mild intensity; silently encouraging him to continue. _You can tell me. I won't be mad._

"You're going to have to try harder big brother. My lips are sealed," he stubbornly states. I arch a nonexistent brow at him, and suppress a smile. _So you say Don._

A beat of silence. Time seems to freeze. Then it slowly begins to crack -_ five...four... three... two... one..._

I nudge him with my foot lightly, and the reaction is instantaneous. _You know you wanna, come on._

His brows furrow and his lips thin.

_Bingo._ His resolve is breaking, as I knew it will. Don hates it when I manage to hold a conversation without muttering a single sound. However it always works, and his unwillingness to cooperate falls apart. It's a trick I learned from when we were toddlers, and it has proven to be a useful tool to keep at hand.

He releases a long suffering sigh.

"You should know why I'm upset Leonardo," Donnie's tone has once more turn serious and his eyes convey a sort of neutrality that has been almost constant as of late, "you're doing it again. There's clearly something wrong and yet you decide to keep it all bottled up inside instead of coming to me. Now you're fighting with Raph again and... what am I supposed to think? You tell me."

I remain passive; my expression giving nothing away. Yet, I can't help the tension that courses through my body and the sense of frustration that's building in my core.

_And when exactly was I supposed to approach you? As if you would have had time to listen while burying yourself deeper in your work and shutting me out._

Guilt replaces the frustration as soon as that thought runs through my mind. It's true that he's been distant lately, but I have no right to reprimand him for it. Everyone's been acting off-center and there's no reason to lecture him for something that I can't reason into being his own fault.

"I'm sorry Otouto. I would have confided in you earlier..." Suddenly his expression grows blank and he nods his head as if he'll accept my explanation; that everything is right with the world when it really isn't. I can already see him sitting in his lab, tinkering away, closing himself off from the rest of us.

"Hey..." I take a single step closer and nudge the mask beneath his glasses slightly askew; a trademark habit whenever I try to get Don's full attention. It works and his gaze locks on my own; his eyes and ears focusing on what I have to say.

I can feel our Ore's burn brighter with the decreased distance between us; they shine with an increase of power flow and a mix of our own emotional input. The feeling I receive is one of calm nature; steadfast and nurturing. All in all it's Donatello; almost like a breath of fresh air in reprieve of the normally stuffy atmosphere.

I spy the tension leaving his body and his posture relaxing. He feels it too and I internally sigh as I realize that this is something I will lose once I leave; something I missed without even noticing it.

"Forgive me Otouto," I murmur while maintaining eye contact. It comes out as more of a quite demand than a question, but he knows better than to assume that I am pushing him to do as I request.

"Tell me what's wrong Leo. You've been distracted and you're control's slipping. What's bothering you?" The timbre of his own voice tells me that he won't let this go.

I lean back and roll my shoulders; quickly debating on whether or not this is the right time to tell him. _Shell_. Do I even have a choice anymore?

I just hope that Don will take it well. It is imperative that he does; our mental and emotional state relies on it. For although the Ores dictates a restriction concerning the distance between each other, it _is_ possible to venture outside the zone, _if_ we maintain a healthy connection before a prolong departure.

"You're not going to like what I have to say," I warn.

"Do I ever?" and there's that teasing grin I haven't seen for a while. The skin around his eyes crinkle momentarily, and a familiar twinkle goes alight in his eyes before dying out into seriousness. It may have been a while since we've talked like this, but a familiar sense of reassurance fills me. I can always trust Don to listen to what I have to say; to gather all the data before making a final judgment. Not brash like Raph, or somewhat impractical like Mike. Just... Donatello, and I know that will never change.

"You know that I'd do anything to keep you guys safe and happy," I clench and unfurl my hands as I shift my body; the leather of my Obi shifting with the movement.

"Of course Ani," he rolls his eyes at me but otherwise remains attentive, "as if you don't preach about that enough. Just start from the beginning Leo. What's this about?"

The tips of my fingers brush against the dark blue kusazuri resting over the underlying haidate. Thumbing the wraps about my hand, as if for reassurance, I proceed to tell him everything.

"Splinter... He's concerned about us, as a family and even as a team. He sees what I have noticed long before, but failed to correct," I grit my teeth momentarily.

_Please understand._

"I have been lacking both as a clan member and sibling. For that, I am sorry..."

_Yet most of all I hope that you won't be upset._

"Leo…" I give him a simple look that silences his intended outburst.

"I have discussed this thoroughly with Sensei and I agree with his decision. Make no mistake Donatello, I wish there was another way but," I look him straight in the eye, "in order for us to thrive, I must train to become a better leader. I require the allotted time to refocus and mature in a way that will benefit this family,"

_I know that things have changed, for the worst it seems, but what I don't know... is how to fix it. But this... this may help everything._

"I seem to have lost some sort of grip on my capabilities as an efficient leader and an elder brother,"

_I know this is hard for you, don't you see that it hurts me as well?_

"Master Splinter thinks it best that I face these problems elsewhere; overcome them in order to, not only better myself, but help improve us as a whole - as brothers and a team,"

_How will I survive without all three of you by my side? I've never been without any of you. But it is because of my love for each of you that I am doing this._

"Therefore, plans have been made for me to depart to Central America. It is there that I will begin my training."

_I wish that I could refuse and stay. But I can't. You know that. I won't stay for my own selfish reasons._

"I know that this sounds sudden and out of the blue," _Honestly, I don't want to go._ "but it's for the best. For you, for the team, for Sensei, for all of us."

_You won't fight me on this, will you? You'll trust that I know what's best; that I know what I'm doing, even when I don't have a single damn clue._

I wait in silence; watching him intently for any sign of his reaction. My fingers itch to move; to feel the familiar solidarity of my Katana, to be somewhere - do _something_.

"I see," an expression that I can't make any sense of, momentarily flits across his face, "how long?" his tone is the epitome of stability; calm, neutral and inquisitive; it's misleading, and I know better. _He is not happy about this._

"However long it takes; a year at the most."

His eyes dart about as he registers this information. The gear on his shell shifts with his movement, and I know that he's executing an internal debate. Rationality and emotional input are vying to take hold; to make the final say on how it is that he is supposed to feel about this; explode like a bomb, or swallow the rush of emotions and offer support.

Finally, he looks at me and I know. I can see it in his eyes. _It's going to be alright._

"Don't you dare think about dying on me," he threatens. His voice may be clear and precise but I've known Don my whole life.

I give him a small grin, "I wouldn't dare think of pissing you off lil' brother," then I grow somewhat sheepish as I prepare to unveil another untold truth, "and funnily enough I'm going to do just that." I ignore the glare he sends my way.

"What is it?" his index finger presses his glasses back up against his face as he clears his throat.

My control may be slipping due to emotional turmoil, but the aches and pains I've been experiencing manifest from something else. I had been hoping that there would be another way to nullify this situation, but every other route has proven useless. There's still one other option that I'm left with and I hesitate with the full weight of that knowledge. I shake my head minutely. It's inevitable; I need Donnie.

I tap my Ore with my forefinger; brushing aside the strap of my scabbard to better reveal the glittering gem.

"Again?" He frowns in displeasure, and I know that the memory has resurfaced in his thoughts. A memory all too fresh in my mind as well.

I nod in affirmation; holding back a grimace of my own.

"Again,"

His fingers ghost over his dark Amethyst as his expression turns determined. He gives me a look and I in turn understand what it is that he is trying to tell me. He'll do it; sacrifice a part of himself in order to restore balance to my Ore. Yet, there is always the risk of something going wrong, and that I'll have to pay the full price.

Silently, I grab his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze - _I know - _before turning and leading him to the Dojo.


	7. Restlessness

I would just like to thank all of you who have come across this story and decided to drop a review or favorite for me. I realize that it does take time and effort to place a review when it's just so much easier to say nothing. I also regard your follows and faves just as important as well. I must just say that I appreciate the extra mile you guys put forth in letting me know what you think, enjoy, or wish to read in this fanfic. So here's a shout out to each of you wonderful people. :)

**Anna, Pizza Lover 86, MerlinStar, 55, BabblesB, yukio87** \- Loved reading your reviews!

**AwkwardCat, Babbles B, DonatellaRaphie, Fearless-Leader-Leo, Maria the turtle23, Unknown by You, Xanaelle, XandraT8, buttercups tomboy fangirl, phAnt0mgh0st7018, .xxx, yukio87** \- So glad you consider this story good enough to be a favorite.

Now, here's a little something for you... This one was a little shifty for me, but I hope you enjoy.

* * *

_Michelangelo's P.O.V_

* * *

The afterglow is normally the best part of having afternoon sex, considering that Raph tends to get a lil' cuddly and gentle; a fucking rarity when it comes to this hot head.

Typically he'll draw me in close and nuzzle me softly along the neck, all the while drifting in and out of a slight snooze. Of course he's never overly affectionate, just enough to let me know that he has a soft side under all that brooding "Batman" ego. To be honest, that's what finally drew me into this 'relationship' of sorts. I had Raph all wrong beforehand, and never in a million years would I have thought I would be with him like this. The way I see him now can be described as an overly sensitive teddy bear trapped within a fucking hot body; a very sexy physique that tends to go along with his macho ego.

It's safe to say I love it. But it feels different this time, and I'm still trying to figure out what exactly is throwing off this would-be perfect moment.

The sex was great, as always. No real foreplay, but that's how it ends up being on some occasions. He'd been rough and demanding, as well as gentle and considering, as he always is. Yet, there was a sense of... detachment? Almost as if Raph wasn't all there when screwing my brains out.

I huff out a low sigh. Raph _loves_ topping. The guy practically lives for it, and I'm always letting him do just that. I even let him set the pace, pick the style, and everything. So what the hell could his problem be?

I'm abruptly pulled from my thoughts as the hammock suddenly shifts. Of course, it's Raph drawing himself away from our cozy cocoon, and I frown in confusion. Raphael never leaves; not even when Don's banging on the door for him to come out and help him with the shell raiser. He always stays and takes a light nap with me, before we both hit the showers.

"Hey, where ya going?" I ask while stifling a yawn. I lean up on my elbows, a hard feat when on an ever shifting hammock, and lazily follow his movements with my eyes. My plastron suddenly begins to itch as my own cum begins to dry in a thick milky layer, but I ignore it in favor of getting Raph back in bed.

"You already wantin' round two?" I ask with a suggestive tone, knowing that a horny Raph is easier to control than anything. It's amazing what one would do for sex at times, and I would be lying if I said that I've never used that to my advantage.

"Jus' gettin' me a cold one. Go back to bed. I'll be back in a sec," he gives me a sly grin, "then we'll talk about what position I want you in next."

Before I can protest any further, he's gone, and out the door; swinging it closed behind him with an inaudible click.

I flop back on the hammock with a huff. _Just fucking wonderful_. Apparently sex had its limits as well and couldn't fix everything.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I groan in disgust as a smear of cooling liquid rubs off on the underside of my forearm.

"Shit," grumbling under my breath I finally get up, "round two my ass. I'm taking a shower."

* * *

_Raphael's P.O.V._

* * *

I can tell that Mikey's none too happy about me leaving. Do I really give a damn? Naw.

Mike's a big boy, and he'll eventually get over it. However that doesn't mean he won't be a pain in the ass until he does. That thought alone almost makes me just want to jump back in the hammock with him, but something's keeping me from sticking to the usual routine tonight. A certain restlessness that I can't ignore is plaguing me, and the only way I can fix it, is with some good old brew.

So before Mike can throw those famous puppy-eyes my way, I quickly exit the room and shut the door behind me.

I feel off somehow, like my mind and my body are warring with each other on something I ain't even fully aware of. It's gonna drive me up the wall - not knowing.

My skin already feels sticky and uncomfortable. I smell like a trash bin threw up all over me as well. All in all, I feel like complete shit.

The skin around my eyes suddenly begin to itch and I tug my mask down in order to give it a small whiff; my beak drawing back in disgust at the lingering smell of sweat and sex.

_Ugh, just what I need right now. The smell is gonna be a dead giveaway, 'specially if I run into Brainiac; got's a nose like he's some fuckin' bloodhound._

Without a second thought, I tug it completely off, and dump it in one of the laundry baskets. Luckily enough, Mike's on laundry duty this week, so I ain't gotta bother myself with bein' sneaky.

Idly scratching at the base of my neck, I saunter down the steps and finally make my way into the kitchen; the overflow of thoughts whizzin' about my head - dutifully trailing after me.

Normally sex with Mike can set my mood straight after a fight with Leo, but tonight I'm not feeling it. Usually I become loose and a bit mellow, but for some reason I still feel wound up and tense; ready to blow any minute. I can't help but admit that it does have a lot to do with Fearless himself. _What a dick head_. He just gotta get all the attention for himself, even when he ain't talkin' shit 'bout me to my face.

"Damn you Leo..." I huff out with a crack of my neck. The events from earlier play out like a broken recorder in my mind, and the initial anger continues to bubble under the surface.

How is it that Leo manages to piss me off like no one's business? It frustrates me so much that all I wish to do is smack him 'round a lil' in hopes that'll somehow make all this anger vanish. Then I could go on living life as normal as any mutant turtle can around here.

All I'd have to do is corner Fearless and teach him a quick lesson; show him that he ain't better than me. It'd be a lil' difficult, but all I'd have to do is catch him by surprise. Then I could corner him and shove him up against the wall like earlier. After that, I'd lean in real close and watch the understanding register in his eyes, my hand once more tightening around that dark throat, his breaths shortening, his body weakening... Powerless. Submissive. At my mercy.

I shake my head in confusion and disregard, as an alien feeling creeps up on me.

_What the hell Raphael!? Pull it together; no need for anymore weird shit tonight._

Stifling a yawn, I swing into the kitchen and head for the fridge. Pulling the door open, I smirk at the sight of a beer waiting for me like some loyal dog. The hiss and crackle of popping open the lid sends a rush of adrenaline through my veins, and I grunt in satisfaction at the feeling of cool liquid running down my throat.

The burning sensation feels hella good and my muscles loosen as the effects begin to take hold.

A sudden movement beyond the second exit to the kitchen catches my attention. No more than a whisper of a slight shuffle, but my senses catch unto it like the ninja I am. Cause despite Leo's earlier accusation; I am a freakin' ninja.

Curiosity piqued, I turn my back on the crappy fridge Don had refurbished, and lean around the corner to pin-point whatever's lurkin' in the shadows. Leaning against the busted door frame, my eyes narrow as I make out the appearance of both Leonardo and Donatello.

_Pfft, no surprise there. Figures Brainiac would've stayed behind to "console" poor, old fearless._

I cross my arms over my plastron and watch as Leo leads Don over to the Dojo; their hands loosely clasped in some semblance of reassurance. I can't help but notice that Donnie-boy seems a bit nervous, if not downright apprehensive.

_What the shell's going on here anyhow?_

I quickly duck back into the shadows as Leo turns to draw the Dojo door shut. Luckily enough he's too distracted to take note of the glint of light my can reflects and he disappears without another sound.

_What are those two up to?_

I frown slightly and scratch my left cheek with the back of my free hand.

_Well it ain't like it's none of my business. I should just leave now and hit the showers; freshen up a lil' 'fore headin' back to Mike. I'm sure I'll hear about whatever it is sooner or later._

I shift indecisively on my feet.

_What if something's wrong with fearless though? What if they don't tell me, cause they think I can't handle bad news?_

An unidentifiable feeling of discomfort settles in the pit of my stomach at that thought.

_Or could Leo... and Don... have chosen to cross that line? A line that I had disregarded a long time ago with Mikey?_

I snort at the thought. Big blue even thinking about sex? The guy's probably a virgin in all things related. Donnie though? Don's a scientist; a curious turtle in all things biological and anatomical.

_Those two have always been close. 'Twins', as Splinter so often refers to them as. _

My mind whirls with that thought.

_Leo would be willing to do anything for Don, but as for this? I ain't so sure. _

Maybe it'd make things a hell lot easier if they did get together. Then Mike and I wouldn't have to hide, and I know the goofball would badger for a double date sorta thing. Mike and I, and Don with Leo.

_Leo..._

_with_

_Don..__._

I shove back the voice in my head that dares to question this sudden and unexpected surge of mixed emotions. Instead, I finally make up my mind.

Straightening to my full height, I chug down the last golden drops of Bud Light. Smacking the lips of my beak together, I hum in appreciation as I easily crush the can in my hand, and toss it in the trash.

Twirling my twin Sai with unrivaled skill, I stealthily creep up toward the Dojo doors with practiced ease.

Leaning in close, I draw back the door a crack, and my eyes widen at what I see.

_Oh shit..._


	8. Emotions

I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while. My writing style tends to influence the time frames in which I post a new chapter. So thank you for your patience. This time around, Donnie had something to share. Originally, this was going to be a continuation of Raphael's perspective and thoughts. Then it shifted to Michelangelo's, yet Donatello won out in the end. It was hard, because I felt like I didn't keep his characterization in check. So, if there is anything that you feel is off kilter, (other than then the tcest portion of it all) then please let me know.

* * *

_Donatello's P.O.V._

* * *

In theory emotions are simply seen as the result of a chemical release in the brain. All of which occurs in order to help us accurately respond to an outside stimulus; both in a negative and positive connotation. Modern science has allowed for the populace to gain a decent enough understanding of human feelings, and with each new discovery and breakthrough, professionals within their respective field have been able to gain a firmer grasp in understanding the influence these chemicals have on everyday decisions and actions. It has also been concluded that our emotions may have a hand in determining the cognitive processes, which include decision making and where one's attention may linger.

There has even been discussion concerning the fact that emotions may pose a danger for one's self. Considering the fact that emotions have an uncanny ability to bypass subjective consciousness, it could then result in a behavioral consequence that may abrogate self proclaimed morals. It's easy enough to explain as long as you maintain the capacity to understand such complex language; someone such as myself.

Although I am no psychiatrist it's safe to say that my knowledge concerning this topic is well versed. However, despite the ease of which I may comprehend this field of learning, it still remains impossible for me to discern the exact emotions and moods I am feeling at this very moment.

The residual mix of fright and confusion from being abruptly yanked out of the earlier training session in regards of my "death" has faded. Yet, there is a bombardment of new feelings trying to claim their place on the highest proverbial pedestal. The question, is whether or not I should single one out, and immerse myself in its influence.

Do I wallow in a pit of fear and uncertainty? Should I play upon these premature feelings of loss and sadness? Heaven forbid, do I delve deeper into this fire of anger and frustration igniting within the pit of my gut? I release a weary laden sigh. There's too much, too many variables, too little time. Therefore I resolve to leave myself in a state of momentary indecisiveness no matter the grain of unease it leaves me with.

Shoving aside the torrent of thoughts buzzing behind my eyes, I straighten and lift my head in order to be level with Leon. I come to find him watching me closely; trying to determine the same thing that I can't even trouble myself to figure out.

It's not long before I find myself zoning in on his cerulean blue eyes; an abyss of silent burdens and unspoken words. They are steady and firm, with a hint of guarded mirth and sharp wit; clouded with heavy laden thoughts and fears he may never willingly share out loud. This close to him I can spy the darker ring that circles about the iris, before it bleeds out like ink blots into a lighter mix of sapphire and azure. It's almost strange, the way the colors swim together to create an illusion of movement. With every tilt of his head or turn of his gaze, it almost seems as if there is a rolling wave to accommodate each gesture. It's a wonder that I can't spy a school of exotic fish swimming about as well.

_Now there's an idea. Wouldn't it be amazing if there was a possibility in creating a depiction of animation within the eye? I could easily draw up some plans for a new construct of lens used for such a purpose. They would allow the wearer to maintain a simple form of animation about the pupil. A realistic imitation of roiling waves or the northern lights would serve as a great start. Of course a source of energy for such a contraption would be a main cause for concern. Unless it isn't digital but merely -_

A small tap on my forehead brings me right back to reality.

_Dammit__. Chasing the rabbit again. _

My shoulders slump and I clear my throat in slight embarrassment. Pushing that idea to the back of my mind, I childishly stick my tongue out at Leo.

"It was such a good idea as well, but I'm no longer going to tell you," I grouch with a huff to back it up.

"I'm sure I will survive, but ignoring me is another matter," he answers with a faux glare.

"Shell, I forgot you were the attention whore in the family. Funny, considering that it seems more of a Mikey thing," I remark without pause.

He lets out a chuckle and gives me a soft grin, "How you wound me so," a small frown suddenly wrinkles across his forehead, and I have to resist the urge to smooth it out with my fingers, "I've missed you Don. You know that right?"

With guilt, I nod in an affirmative answer. It's been so long since I've just taken a moment to sit down with my brother; talk with him and ask how his day has been. I can't deny the fact that I've missed his presence; solid, reassuring, calm, and cool. I blow a sigh through my nostrils. Despite the slight nostalgia stirring within my gut, I can't help but grimace at the reasoning behind my actions of avoidance. I had been valiantly trying to ignore the fact that I probably had a part in Leo's mounting frustrations; leaving him to believe that it was rather something on his part for the discontent in the family. Truthfully speaking, it proved to be all the more easy in allowing him to think as such; leaving me to struggle with this confusion in solitary peace. I had accused him of bottling up his emotions and not talking, when I was doing the same thing.

_Tell him. Show him that it isn't his fault. You owe him that much. He deserves to know._

I close my eyes as I lean my forehead against his own. He doesn't ask, and doesn't prod at my sudden change in demeanor. He trusts that I will confide in him when I am ready. Besides, I must be halfway decent in maintaining my emotions because he doesn't seem overly concerned, otherwise he _would_ take action. Just like earlier, he would find a way to make me talk by using that insufferable grin and those sharp eyes. He's definitely familiar with the chink in my armor to do so, and the earlier reminder of such a fact had been jolting to a certain degree. Sometimes I despise him for being so insightful and intuitive. Despise him for making me feel things that I shouldn't.

Therein lies the root of the problem. The excuse as to why I had been shutting him out and leaving him to worry over what he presumed to be his own wrongdoing. It was centered on the fact that these feelings didn't follow any normal rule book. Despite all my research and gained knowledge, I still found myself to be clueless in this matter. Clueless as to how to handle the bubbling desire and attentiveness, the affection and curiosity. The feelings of unnatural joy, safety, and contentment that came with being around Leonardo. It was not unusual per se, rather it just seemed to have been heightened to a new degree; a path that I was certain I could not follow before I had even finished gathering all the required data. A path that was all the more dangerous with emotions that could very well impair judgment, destroy a relationship, make me into a monster.

So I had resolved to avoid him; bury myself in my work in an attempt to drown out these feelings. However, it seems as if I've managed to drown out something else entirely, and now here I am, preparing Leon for a departure that will take who knows how long; that will either make him or break him. It all seems too real at the moment, and once I help him with his Ore, there will be nothing else to keep him from prolonging his departure. There's too much pressure between doing the logical thing and what I _want _to do. A single mistake, a misstep or hitch, could very well prove to be disastrous. All the data in the world can't help me with this... whatever it is.

I draw away from him as my mood sours. The worries and what if's are eating at my core and for once I find myself in a bind. Do I continue to follow along with his decision without question? Perhaps I should try and convince him not to leave? I realize that he wishes for me to follow his lead in this, blindly place faith in the idea that he knows what he is doing, but I don't know if I can do so without trying to change his mind first.

My brows furrow slightly as I am pulled from my thoughts with a sigh from the source of my problems. Suddenly I take notice of the more minute details of Leo's expression. His pupils are shifting pinpricks, and lines of frustration and unease crease his brow and the corner of his lips. It seems as if I'm not the only one struggling with their demons.

Slowly I place my hand over his Ore in order to help alleviate his stress and worry. The action systematically pushing away my own torments as well. The pads of my fingers run over the warm surface and I gain some reassurance that calms the worry churning in my gut; a feeling I hadn't been all too aware of in the first place.

His body relaxes with the small contact and I can't help but give him a small smile in return; glad in the fact that I have the ability to help him in such a way. Maintaining eye contact he leans in closer and my heart rate begins to increase involuntarily; the hand along my thigh curling into a loose fist. I clench my eyes close as I try and control myself. He bumps lightly against my forehead with his own and I can't help but see an image of us as toddlers; me babbling on about the laws of motion as he listens intently, before he's being dragged away by a cocky Raphael. I let out a silent sigh as the memory fades away.

"Are you ready?" I question and he rolls his eyes good naturally in answer. I take a deep breath in preparation, and I flex my fingers involuntarily. The gears in my head start turning as a sense of nervousness flits about relentlessly. The real question is, am I ready? Suddenly, I vividly remember the last time that I had done this. The fear, the uncertainty, and everything between seem to hit me all at once.

_I have made all of the calculations... _

_I want to help you, but I don't want to hurt you even more..._

_Sixty-five percent chance for survival... _

_"_Did you know that's pigs physically cannot look up at the sky? It's kinda sad really, the sky is pretty beautiful," Leo gives me a look of confusion.

_Apprehension can lead to miscalculations... _

_"_That is terrible for the pigs, but Don-"

_Exceeding twenty minutes can overwhelm..._

_"_Rats multiply so quickly that in eighteen months, two rats could have over a million descendants. Technically Splinter could have a ton of other children out there. We may even have rat brothers and sisters,"

_Limiting to ten or less will prove useless..._

"Truthfully the thought never crossed my mind, but Don I don't think-"

Y_ou must remain calm_...

"Twenty-three percent of all photocopier faults are caused by people sitting on them and copying their ass. Sounds like something Mikey would do. Good thing I don't have one,"

_You must maintain control throughout_...

"Donnie-"

_Always risk_...

"If you went out into space, you would explode before you suffocated, because there's no air pressure. It's aggravating when those shows Mikey watches makes you believe otherwise,"

_Always sacrifice_...

"You know what?" Leo suddenly questions.

"Mmmmhhh… nope. What?" I counter in mild interest. The numbers and risks, and knowledge and facts are still running through my head preventing me from really focusing on what he wants to say. However, his next statement makes that change real fast.

"Don," he pauses for a moment, "you think too much."

My eyes widen in surprise as I jerk back, and any thoughts whirling about beforehand vanish in a single instant. The surprise is soon overpowered by a blaze of confusion and slight annoyance; my eyes narrow in a questioning glare.

"Think too much? What the - What is there to complain about? Thinking is what keeps things functional. Thinking keeps everyone happy. I spend so much energy - and - and so much _time... _trying to - for them - for you... What even brought this up? You know what. Fine. I'll stop thinking and we'll see how long it takes before everything falls apart," I reply affronted. I know it's childish and this rant is pointless. It just goes to show how riled up I am at the moment. I swat away his extended hand of forgiveness.

"Now Don that's not what I meant," Leo shifted as he tried to string his words together properly.

"Yeah, well, my brain is wonderful, thank you very much," I jab a finger along his plastron. His fingers curl about the extended digit and I have to stop myself from executing an unorthodox reaction with the unexpected touch. _It's not his fault, he doesn't know. _I force myself to ignore the unsuspecting gesture.

"You're work always manages to amaze me Donatello. Don't mistake this as a question of your intelligence. You've always managed to build something out of nothing and there are no words to describe how impressive that is. You'll always have my respect concerning that field. Why else do I place so much trust in your hands?" he tugs at my bandanna tails lightly before continuing, "but you can't deny that there have been incidents where you have been careless about your health and training. I'm worried that you're going to overwork yourself; forget that your body has needs that your mind may choose to ignore. I don't want to hear that you shut yourself in that lab while I was gone Donnie. I forbid starvation, or even sleep deprivation. You made me promise that I won't die? Well, let's just say I have the same concerns. Go ahead and become a wacky crazy scientist, just don't forget about your health. Alright?"

I eye him out of the corner of my eye. Watching as the concern and determination reflects in his orbs. Big brother - _Oniisan_. No one could say that Leon didn't give a crap. Finally, I agree.

"Good. I know that I don't say this enough, but thank you Don. For everything you do," we maintain eye contact for a moment, and suddenly I know that everything will be alright. The stress and worry boils down to a minor nuisance and I give him a wan smile to convey my gratitude. Leo did always have a knack for knowing what to say. A single nod and he proceeds to take a deep breath before leaning back and falling into a meditative pose; forefinger connecting with his thumb as he rests them atop his knees. I understand the gesture immediately and mimic his pose.

It's time to begin.


	9. Luster

_Donatello's P.O.V_.

* * *

There's always something beautiful in the way that Leonardo calls to his Chi. Every breath and movement manages to look graceful despite the mere simplicity of how the muscles along his arms, throat, and body ripple with a hidden energy; an energy that is calling to my own. Yet I ignore it in favor of watching this display that he unknowingly puts on.

His fingers suddenly splay outward, and his nostrils flare in anticipation as his mind becomes numb with emotions; making him lost to the real world. His eyes finally draw to a close and his entire body sags in a relaxed posture. So serene and free from all worldly constraints; a state that is rare for anyone to see him in. My eyes flick down to his left calf where the tail end of his dragon begins to glow. The intricate lines of his naturally given body art begins glowing with a hypnotizing light; the pulsing rhythm following the steady beat of his own heart. Breathtaking.

I roll my head in a slow circle and begin to internally reach down to my own core; the call too strong to ignore any longer. There is no pain, merely enlightenment as I bring forth the essence of my being; uncapping my Ido and releasing it from its confinement. It comes spilling out with an eagerness I had not known before; leaving me to shiver with the unexpectedness of such a rush. Numbers, memories, statistics, and data rush about my mind in a roar of movement. I grin at the familiarity of it all.

My eyes flash open as I feel the warmth seep from my body and is replaced with a soothing ache of coldness. Tendrils of violet light swirl from my Ore as they teasingly roll over Leo in an attempt to draw out his own Chi. I watch as he sits before me with eyes blazing blue and insignias glowing brightly. Right now he is unseeing - viewing only his core and remaining in a state of internal sight. He will remain unaware of anything beyond his own spiritual plane, and instead will focus on guiding the process of replenishment with deep concentration.

I allow for myself to let loose on the reins a bit; trying to help Leo tease out his Chi. The coils of light complies willingly and begins to wash over Leo's skin in a dance of enticing waves and playful shadows. I can feel the eagerness from my Chi as it grows impatient; wanting to reunite with a soul as fascinating as Leo's.

Finally, Leon throws his head back and a wave of luster spills forth from his Ore. Soon it overflows like a waterfall and it bursts free from his mouth, eyes and fingers. It is violence and passion all mixed together, and there is nothing more magnificent. I drink in the sight with a scientific mind; cataloging certain highlights for later retrieval. This is only the second time that this process has occurred and I am nothing if curious.

Without warning our Ores suddenly come together and explode in a separate galaxy of bright hues and abstract matter. I release a low chuckle of amusement, because this is something new and I can't help but wonder what has caused this little star show.

Leo lifts his hand distractedly and the glow of colors wrap around his lithe forearm and palm slowly. I watch as he begins to chant in a Japanese tongue as he calls upon my energy; coaxing it to help replenish his own core. It works and I can feel the energy within jerk in reaction to his commands. Cocking my head to the side I unfurl my fingers and extend them toward him in guidance of direction. My Chi obeys without hesitation; the strobes twirling about my fingers and knuckles soothingly, before snaking outward and curling about his body. They wind their way across his plastron and shell, before piercing the surface of his sapphire colored gem.

With that final act I can now feel him, yet in a way that is seemingly impossible to describe. As the only mutants of our kind, and of course being ninjas, we are not unaccustomed to touching one another in respective terms. A punch here, a gentle side hug there. We have all grown familiar with the simple uniqueness of the other.

However, not everyone has the chance to feel the presence of another's mind. Neither Michelangelo or Raphael can see the very core of another brother, nor may they ever be able to understand the great impact it provides. Yet I am able to experience such things, and I must admit that Leonardo is beautiful; beyond anything that anyone has ever seen. His soul is a presence of warmth and gentleness, and despite the fact that I have seen it, there is nothing I may use in comparison, in order for anyone else to understand. There is nothing I can write down in my mass amount of journals in order to convey the absurdity of a soul being it's own mind and spirit; an own being using this body as a temporary host.

I am suddenly overwhelmed with his presence as it enters my mind. Leonardo is overpowering and dominating; a leader in his own right. His essence fills my senses until I believe that my mind will go into overdrive. The blood running under my skin boils from the heat Leon's presence presents. My sense of sight, sound and smell diminishes until there is nothing left but a sheath of brilliant blue. Then, when I believe that I will not be able to handle any more, there is a sudden shift of reprieve followed by a wave of gentle coolness. A shiver runs down my spine at the sensation of feather light touches against my Ore. Then there is an invisible tug; something reaching out to the very core of my being.

I recognize this sensation and I don't hesitate to allow for the commencement to continue. My body grows lax and my mind grows hazy as Leonardo's Chi acts in response. I can feel my own essence being pulled from me in order to rehabilitate the darkness within Leonardo. I lend him my strength in order to reinforce the control he must garner over the mounting senses trying to override his body and spirit.

As quick as it was to begin, it is soon over; his presence receding slowly, leaving me feeling somewhat empty and hollow. My eyes flash open and I grin at the success of this procedure. I release a breath of relief.

Blinking away the blur from my vision, I find that Leonardo is still lost in his mind, a cocoon of our power wrapping about him as they merge together. His eyes are glazed in deep concentration and a trickle of sweat beads down his right temple. It is somewhat unnerving to see him so immobile, lost in a torrid of his innermost thoughts and emotions.

I can't help but be drawn into the sight of him, and suddenly there is an all too dangerous urge to touch him; to run my fingers over the flexing muscle and scarred plastron. A primal part of me wishes to run the sensitive pads of my fingers along the ridge of his lips before claiming them with my own. His energy and spirit prove to be enticing in their own way and suddenly I find myself leaning closer. I hold my breath as my hand draws nearer to his chest. My heart is thudding unevenly in my ears and the blood is rushing to my head. I worry the bottom of my lip between my teeth as my fingers creep ever closer, hovering over the area where his own heart lies.

My forefinger twitches as I adjust my glasses uncertainly.

It won't hurt. Just a little test to collect data; to determine if this is merely hormones in the play, or something of greater consequence.

_Logic concludes that this is a passing phase- _A brush of fingers along his scutes.

_However, incest is considered morally wrong in society's culture-_ I draw back slightly in hesitation.

_Yet, who is to say that we are obligated to follow those rules if we aren't a part of that society? Besides, we aren't even truly related _\- I lean closer and press the entire palm of my hand flush against his heart; the heat seeping through to my skin. I shoot a glance at his face and find him to be oblivious. I begin to raise my other hand as well, intent on tracing the contour of his arm.

Until -

"_Shut the fuck up Mikey 'fore I make ya!" _followed by a threatening growl.

I jerk back as I am startled from the unexpected outburst. A small twinge erupts in my chest from the sudden distance between Leo and I, and anger is soon to replace it. _Dammit Raphael. What the hell is your problem? _Wait, Raph? What in Aristotle's name would Raph be-

Suddenly the Dojo grows dark as the previous glow of our Ores' recede. The warmth and calm that had once filled the room has been replaced with an atmosphere of panic and confusion.

My eyes widen and I scramble backwards to avoid being hit as Leo abruptly jolts back into reality with a strangled noise. He lunges at me and cups a hand around my jaw and the other about my shoulder. His eyes frantically searches mine and I realize that he is assessing me for injuries. He grows calm as he concludes that I am perfectly fine. Then the panic settles within him once more. A single row of candles manages to survive Leonardo's movements as he jerks back to a shaky stand.

"What!? Where… Mikey is he- Raph? _Raphael!?" _Leon suddenly verbalizes in his confusion. His mind is desperately trying to make sense of the unforeseen situation, and since the leader within is trying to shove his way to the forefront of his mind, he is having trouble in properly pulling himself together from the recent excursion he had gone through.

"Wait, Leo," but my voice falls on deaf ears as he's already made his way out of the Dojo doors. I shake my head before following in pursuit. The combined voices of Leo and Raph reach me before I make it fully to the Dojo doors, and I pause to quickly grab my Bo in precaution. I shake off the lingering fatigue as I cross through the threshold, and almost get a fist in the face for the effort.


	10. Relapse

**Old A/N:** So as a 4th of July present, I decided to give you a sneak peek into the next chapter. I'll delete this once I have completed the full story and replace it with the finished product, but I figured it wouldn't hurt for you to see where this is kinda going. So, typing on a tiny phone keyboard is terrible, so format may be off key. Sorry. All in all, have a safe 4th and thank you to all those who have served for every single one of us.

**New A/N: **Finally, I'm back home with my computer. Yes! Hope you guys enjoy! (You can skip through the flashback if you already read it. No changes were applied)

* * *

Raphael P.O.V.

* * *

_The lair would be silent except for the periodic rhythmic creak of a single hammock swinging idly. The sound was coming from the closed doors of a nicked door; a chipped groove of wood glaringly obvious to those who had known its presence was suspiciously vacant during the early morning rush._

_"Do you love me?" Striking green eyes, flecked with the occasional sliver of gold, flashed in slight annoyance. Not this again._

_"No, I hate your ass. That's why I decided to fuck you shitless instead'a sneakin' out with Case and bustin' skulls," a low voice grumbled out with a small scowl._

_"Awww, you w'ooooove me. Cause we all know how much ya enjoy goin' topside with your bestie," Mikey cooed sweetly. Light blue eyes, which shimmered with specks of silver, shoved their way into the larger terrapin's line of sight. A gravelly chuckle erupted from Raph's chest as he gently shoved his young lover's face away. Mikey mock pouted in response, yet it was soon replaced with a smug look._

_"Of course you love me. I'm irresistible," Mike crawled closer to Raph's face, planting his chin atop his left hand and tracing patterns on his lover's plastron with the other._

_"Ya know, I was wondering something the other day. It ain't that important, but... was I your first crush Raph?" he cocked his head slightly to the left in question. Raph managed to suppress a wince, yet the tensing of his muscles did not go unnoticed by the turtle sprawled across his plastron._

_"Ohhhhhh, Raphi's been keepin' secrets! Tell me. Come on, who was it?" Mike begged in a sing-song voice. Damn, and things had actually been going good before this shit was brought up. This conversation was something the hot-head was not wanting to discuss at all._

_"It's Raph numb skull, and that ain't important. I'm with you now, so why does it matter anyhow?" Raph snapped unnecessarily. Mike shrank back at the tone but didn't back down._

_"It doesn't bro, but you know me. I'm a curious turtle if there ever was one. Plus, it'd be good for the soul. If we're gonna be a couple, we should know things like this about each other," Mikey argued with an arched brow, before leaning in close and snaking his tongue along Raph's jawline._

_"Yeah, w-well, what 'bout you?" fuck, that felt good, "have any crush I - mmmh - I ain't known about?" Raph threw back in hopes to unbalance the orange-banded turtle. He shouldn't of been surprised when it didn't work._

_Mikey drew back and gave him an incredulous look, "well, duh. Angel."_

_He said it so easily, and it was no wonder, 'cause Angel was merely a fleeting interest; someone he could focus his mind and hormones on until the right person came along. This crush never morphed it anything more than a passing infatuation; harmless if anything else._

_Anyways, anyone with two god damn eyes could have predicted Mike's first crush. The guy had a tendency to swoon dramatically whenever Angel was mentioned; kinda like Don with April back in the day._

_"Come on Raph... I won't be mad. Tell me or I'll start guessing," he bit his bottom lip and rolled his eyes around lazily as he began to think aloud._

_"Alright, ummm... oh! Casey," he gave me a look of utmost certainty._

_"Hell no. The knucklehead's crazy enough as it is with us jus' bein' friends."_

_"Really? Huh," Raph frowned as Mike mumbled that he could've sworn it was Case._

_Sticking his tongue out of the side of his beak, Mikey continued down his internal list, "well… Karia?"_

_"Oh yeah, her wanting to kill me just swept me off my feet. True love right there," Raphael flicked a finger against Mike's forehead and the young turtle chuckled. "Yeah, that's more of Leo's thing. It was always weird with them two tho, right?" Raphael scowled, but not for the reasons Mike thought._

_"Slash," Raph jerked back and frowned, "he was my pet turtle. That's kinda... weird." Mike just gave him a look that said - Yeah and we're bros, ain't gettin any weirder than that Dude. Raph had to agree with him on that, so he merely gave a shrug._

_"Ummm, April." A single low grunt._

_"Leatherhead?" Raph snorted and cocked a non-existent eyebrow at Mikey._

_"What? I could see the appeal," Mike ignored Raph's slight glare of suspicion and continued with his little guessing game._

_"Joi." Nothing, but a sigh of annoyance. Why wouldn't they just stop bringing Joi up?_

_"Hey, we all thought she had the hots for you," Mike smirked as Raph groaned._

_"Fishface? Rocksteady? Please don't tell me it's Usagi. So that leaves, Hun? Traximus? Angel? Naw, I would have noticed if it were her right off the bat. Shell-" Raph was definitely getting tired of this. Hell, he just needed this to be done and over with._

_"Leo,"_

_"Let's see... who else is there? Ohhhh I know - wait, what!?" Raph could have laughed at the comical way Mike's eyes grew if he weren't so on edge._

_"Thats what I said numb nuts," Raph grouched before pushing Mike off and taking a stand. The movement jolted Mikey out of his stupor and he scrambled after the red masked turtle._

_"Wait, wait, wait, you mean to tell me it's always been one of us all along? You've never been interested in someone outside of the lair?" Silence was Mike's answer._

_"How long?"_

_"Mike," It was said in warning, but Mikey had never bothered with boundaries when it came to his older brother. "I wanna know," Mike shrugged his shoulders, but Raph could hear the slight animosity in his voice. This was why he didn't wanna talk about this._

_He let out a low growl. "It was just a stupid crush Mikester. You're here with me ain't ya? It ain't Leo, so that should tell ya how I feel." A beat of silence followed, and Raph hoped that meant the conversation was done and over with. "Promise?" Raph froze at that._

_"What?"_

_Mike stood up and grabbed Raph by the arm. The larger turtle allowed Mikey to turn him around so he could be face-to-face with those striking baby blues. "Promise that it was just a lil' crush. Promise that this," he waved a hand between them to indicate what "this" was, "is something you really wanted; that you chose me, not because Leo would never accept this, but because you love me."_

_Raphael took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This was it; a way to escape those feelings that had haunted him for years. The confusion and anger could just melt away if he just chose Mikey and never looked back. It would be so easy to leave Leo behind. No more late nights fantasizing about something he couldn't have and then feeling so alone afterwards._

_Now he had Mike and he was happy. Wasn't he? Because all Leo was, was a simple crush; a nagging dream that seemingly wouldn't go away, but it would go away, over time. He would make sure of that. He would crush these past feelings he had for Leon, and replace them with something else. Anger if it was needed, because he couldn't hurt Mike; not with how far he let things go. He could do this, and he would be happy and things would be just so much easier. At least that's what he desperately kept telling himself._

_Decision made, he opened his eyes to find an uncertain Mike looking right back at him; watching him carefully. Leaning in, Raph kissed the lighter toned turtle gently._

_"I promise ya Mikey. You're the one I choose. Leo's got nothin' on ya," the smile he gave Mike after he said that could almost be seen as bittersweet._

_"Good," Mike sighed out in relief. Drawing the other into a hug, he buried his beak deep within the crease of muscular turtle's neck, "I just don't wanna lose you, I love you. It'd been fine if it had been Don, or anyone else, but you and Leo..."_

_Raph nodded in understanding. Him and Leo indeed. "Don't worry Mike. You'll never lose me."_

_Leo had been like an addictive drug Raph was constantly craving for many years. Yet, he was certain that he could overcome this; go cold turkey and then he'd be fine. He had Michelangelo; someone who actually wanted him. Mike would make him a happy turtle._

_Yet, there was one thing that Raph had forgotten to take into consideration - how easy it was to fall into relapse._

* * *

I glare at the Shoji as the memory tugs at my mind unbidden. _Where the hell did that come from anyhow?_ One moment I had been gaping like an idiot at the light show goin' on in the Dojo, when I suddenly fell into fuckin' la la land. I hadn't thought of that night in _years_. In fact, I'd almost forgotten about my past obsession with Fearless a coupl'a weeks after that talk with Mikey. Ever since then it was just all about the thrill of sneakin' off with Mike; finishin' up a quickie in the hallway right before the others managed to turn the corner and caught us doin' the dirty. The feeling of bein' needed and desired in return had become immersing, and soon life was all about Michelangelo and not much else.

Yet, here I am spying on Leonardo for no reason other than a sneaking suspicion, remembering things better left forgotten, while Mikey's waiting for me up in my room. Why was I even still wasting my time here? Leo and Don looked to be perfectly fine; no injuries or sickness that I could see. All they seem to be doin' is fiddling with those mystic Ores of theirs. Besides, I haven't got a single damn clue on how those glorified gems even work, so it ain't like I'm goin' to really learn anything if I stay here any longer. And if there really _was_ somethin' goin' on beyond the little glitter stones and strobe lights, then what was it to me? Wouldn't that just make things all the more easy? They'd make a cute… couple? Maybe cute wasn't the right word. Isolated geek, and snort-giggling Donnie... with Fearless? Eh, to be honest it really is hard imagining Leo with _anyone_ in that way.

_Unless it was with you. Admit it, you're jealous….._

I jerk back at the sudden thought and grit my teeth. There's no way in hell that I'm snoopin' cause I'm _jealous_. Cause I ain't got a thing for Leo. All that was, was a stupid crush and nothin' else. Period. It definitely isn't why I've been feeling all distracted and off recently. I snort at the thought. No way in hell. A sudden feeling of doubt stirs within the pit of my stomach.

_Lyin' to yourself again Raphael? Tch, how predictable of ya. Admit it. Ya want to see if maybe Fearless ain't that virgin you always make him out to be; see if you had given up too easily, too soon. You wanna know if you practically handed him over to sweet lil' innocent Brainiac._

I grit my teeth in anger and shake my head. Hell no. I woulda been more than curious about that a while back, but the past is in the past, and I've outgrown such childish feelings. Damn, I should've just ignored Don and Leo when I spotted them sneakin' off. I should be up in my room right now; apologizing with Mike and having make-up sex twice in a row. But do I listen to myself when I'm tryin' to make sense? Like hell I do, and I have a feelin' it's gonna come and bite me in the ass.

The voice of Donnie manages to steal my attention once more. Shaking my head to try and rid myself of these poisonous thoughts I duck back in close to see whats goin' on. I quirk a brow at the sight of Leo who seems to be meditating while bein' wrapped up in a vortex consisting of those strange lights. Nothing too outta the ordinary, other than the Ores and - I frown - Wait one shelluva minute.

_That lil" son of a bitch._

My hands curl into fists as I watch th' sweet, innocent, lil' genius, _Donatello_ start to feel up Leo. He's got his hand hoverin' over Leo's chest, before takin' courage and placing it over the golden surface of the plastron. A heat of a dangerously primal anger suddenly lances its way through my body at the sight. _What the hell is he doin'? _A small smile breaks across his seemingly virtuous face and he starts rubbing lil' circles on Leo's chest with his damn green thumb; it ain't no joke either, the guy had a knack for keeping plants alive in an underground sewer.

I'm so damn piss'd that I'm about ready to knock d'wn the paper thin door and shove the egg-head away; touchin' what ain't belong to him. Thinkin' he can make a move on Fearless while the guy was lost in his own mind. I ain't gonna stand for that. No way in hell.

_Jealous... _

Shut up. Even if I was jealous - which I ain't - it wouldn't matter. Cause no matter what, Leo is off limits. Leonardo is not Don's to touch, and Leon sure as fuck ain't Donnie's to 'educate'; 'specially when he isn't even aware of what's going on.

_Aren't you forgettin' that Leo could have consented to this a long time ago? _

I glower at the thought. I can feel an old familiar heat begin to swirl within and suddenly I am recalling all those past feelings. Shit, not _now,_ but I can't help myself, and it's as if a monster has been released from within it's cage. Old emotions come rushing up to me, and I don't have the control or resolve to push them back.

Suddenly I see Leo through new eyes once more, and I can see what Don finds so alluring. The light washing over his skin in an erotic shower of shadows and radiance. His head slightly tilted back, revealing the lighter tone of his neck; so smooth and so enticing. What about that - damn, just take me now - insufferable grin he sometimes has. I let loose a little growl. Why couldn't this beast just stay locked away? The old anger resurfaces; anger at Leonardo for messin' up my life without liftin' a damn finger. He ain't aware of what's goin' on, yet he's right in the middle of all this mess. A hand suddenly latches onto my forearm and it's like a bucket of ice cold water being thrown over my head.

"What are we looking at bro?" An all too familiar voice pipes up from out of nowhere. I jerk back abruptly and slam back into Mikey in surprise.

"Dammit Mike. Warn a guy next time will you?" I'm breathing heavy and I just now realize that I'm sweating bullets.

Mikey cocks his head to the left and arches a nonexistent brow, taking in my appearance and agitation.

"Considering that I practically stomped my way over here, I'll make sure and bring my Cymbal with me next time; wouldn't want you to have a heart attack again, now would we old man?"

"Shut up," I give him a threatening glare but Mike barely notices, instead he tries to peek over my shoulder.

"So what's got you so blindsided that you didn't even notice your, one and only, entering the room?" The orange-masked ninja asks with a teasing tone.

"Nothin', now go back to your room," I answer while trying to lightly shove him away.

"Nah uh, now you got me all curious. Whatcha watchin' Bro? I wanna know," there's a gleam in his eyes, and dammit... I'm not in the mood; not after what I was just thinkin' and feelin' no more than five seconds ago. _Oh shit, what in the hell have I got myself into?_

"You lookin' at somethin' naughty? Is it inspiring some... ideas?" Mikey questions with a sly grin. It catches me by surprise and I sputter indignantly.

"What! No -" I deny even as images of - Leo serene, Leo sweating and panting, Leo _divine _and falling apart at the seams - flit across my mind in rapid succession. I stumble forward a step as I shake these images from my head, and thankfully Mikey doesn't seem to notice my lack of focus, "shell Mike, just leave it alone," I growl out in warning. Suddenly I have the intense urge - the need - to get him out of here; keep him away and keep him oblivious. Things will be so much easier if he doesn't know; can't somehow suspect anything, because then it'll just be an absolute fuckin' mess.

However, my reluctance to divulge any information just makes him all the more curious and determined. He takes a step forward and I try to make myself bigger and more difficult to skirt around in response, but by the time I reach for his shell he's ducked under my left arm and popped up in front of the Shoji. _Shit._ I hold back a frustrated sigh and rub the space between my eyes with my forefinger and thumb. I glare at the back of his head as a low whistle escapes his lips.

"Ohhh, Raphi. Somethin' naughty indeed," he whispers over his shoulder, "dude, this is awesome. Don's totally gots the hots for Leo," he chuckles under his breath and I can practically see the gears turning in his head. I take in a deep breath and release it before -

"Aww man, this is totally radical. I've got soooo many ideas dude. You'll help me right?"

"Don't think too hard Mike, wouldn't want you to have a brain aneurysm," I mumble with a quick yank on his bandanna tails to try and draw him away from the two in the Dojo. I really don't want to hear about Mike's ideas right now. All of which probably involve getting the two 'love-turtles' to finally confess their 'feelings', and plannin' double dates, and yada _yada_. It'd jus' be best to avoid this conversation at all; to avoid explodin' on the twerp in a rage, cause I already did once, and the hurt puppy dog look ain't all that fun to deal with.

"Whoa, hold the T-phone for one sec dude. Ain't you curious to see how far along they are in their relationship? What base you wanna bet on?" He does a quick gesture with his hands before completing a finger pop to illustrate his meaning, and I shouldn't be mad. Because it's Mike and he's got that mischievous little smirk on his face, and he's just honest-to-god curious. But I've just been bombarded with all these old emotions, and the guy doesn't even have a clue about it, and right now everything is just _too _much; desire, guilt, anger, confusion and a whole bunch of bullshit are flying around in my head right now. There's a reason why they call me the temperamental one in the family, and I really wish that Mikey would know when to stop because I'm gonna explode any second now. I can feel the toxic mixture sloshing within, already boiling, and I don't want to hurt him. Cause he's goin' to push this without even realizing what he's doin' and it ain't even really his goddamn fault anyhow.

"No, I'm not gonna be a perv and stick around to see if Leo will take it up the ass," I answer back harshly with a look of disgust. My nails dig into my palm as I think of Don being the one to elicit certain - sexy - sounds out of Fearless; of Don bein' able to have what I'd given up so long ago without even tryin'. All this new found energy is coursing through my veins and I have to control the urge to just hit somethin' - anythin' really. Where's a Purple Dragon when you need one? Better yet, bring on a Scorcher.

"Fine! Geesh, what's goin' on with you Raphi?" Mikey frowns as his full attention lands on me.

"It's Raph," I snarl, "And we're not gonna see if Don and Leo are an 'item' cause they ain't. Leo'd never go for somethin' like that," I say more for my benefit than his, "and you'll keep your nose outta their business. Now drop it Mikey, or I swear I will drag you away by the shell if I have to," I finish with a flare of my nostrils. Throughout my little spiel I subconsciously make my way closer to him and now we are practically beak to beak. There's a line of confusion on Mike's brow and I can see him searching for somethin' in my eyes; a clue as to why I am actin' this way. I suddenly hope he doesn't find it. Without warning a sense of guilt pools within and warning bells go off in my head.

"You still have feelings for him, don't you?" his expression practically falls as he continues to whisper, "you lied to me, how could you? You told me that it was just a stupid crush and that you realized I was the one you really wanted. That's why you picked me. Right? _Right_!?" I jerk back at the astute observation and look anywhere but at him while swallowing roughly. I can hear the slight twinge of panic layering his voice, and I know I'm in a heap of trouble.

"Dammit Raphael, answer me," he thumps a light fist against my plastron to get me to do somethin' but all I can do is stare at him with a blank expression; frustration clawing at the back of my mind.

"Maybe I should tell Fearless. See what he thinks about this," he growls lowly and my heart suddenly stops at that; I know that my face is now one of full blown panic and that's what he wants. Mikey grins at me wickedly and continues with his sudden threat; enjoyin' seein' me squirm and grow agitated.

"Yeah, I'll tell him all about your late night fantasies, and all those sick twisted thoughts you had of him-"

"Stop it Mike. Keep quite or someone's gonna hear you."

"I don't care. Let them hear; let all of them know that you couldn't handle not havin' _perfect_ Leonardo anymore. So you took the easy way out and decided to settle with the leftovers-"

"C'mon Angelo, it ain't like that. Stop."

"No way bro. I ain't fallin' for it this time. Sure, Don's gonna be pissed, but that's nothing compared to how much Leo's gonna hate you," and those words begin to spark the fuse that lies within.

"Mike, shut up,"

"He's gonna be so disappointed in you," Mikey snarls uncharacteristically, "knowing that you decided to sleep with me - your sweet innocent little brother - cause you couldn't have _him_!"

"Mike-"

"He don't trust you, and even if he did, he won't after this; not after finding out that you lied to me just for shit and giggles,"

"Shut yer trap Mikey,"

"Well you know what, it's too late for _you_. He's already Don's Raphi-boy. I'd bet my money on him over you any day. _Go Don, yay!_" Mike ended in a sarcastic pitch resembling that of an enthusiastic cheerleader.

"Shut the fuck up Mikey 'fore I make ya!" I'm too angry right now to even bother tryin' to keep my tone of voice down. I barely register the sound of Don yelping in surprise and Leo scrambling around in the Dojo. It isn't until -

_"What!? Where… Mikey is he- Raph? _Raphael_!?" _The guttural growl and panic of Leo has me tense, and I realize I have the added problem of Fearless harping at my back._ Fuckin' shit, could this night get any worse?_


	11. Bakayarō

**A/N:** Long time no see - I have risen from the dead. ;p Anyhow, hope you enjoy. I might come back to comb through this, but for now here is the next chapter!

**Bakayarō**: Idiot, Fool.

* * *

Leonardo's P.O.V.

* * *

My bones ached and my muscles twitched in an agonizing show of exhaustion. Although the process of rekindling my Ore was meant to reinvigorate my Ido, I soon discovered that it didn't go without its adverse effects. My spiritual body may be pulsing with enough energy to light up the sewer tunnels and beyond, yet I am still left with the limitations my physical form maintains. The concentration and willpower it takes to draw out the chi from another living being is a difficult process. When done incorrectly the host could very well perish. Even the process of reabsorbing the obtained energy took an immense amount of concentration and willpower; leaving me fatigued and aching. Therefore, it was no surprise when a fog of sleep slowly began to descend over my mind - lulling me to the comforts of an undisturbed rest.

However a sudden touch against my plastron stirred me from my meditative state - startling me. My chi began to stir in recognition and flared in a show of excitement. The feeling was familiar and soothing, yet somewhat alien in its manner. Although I couldn't make complete sense of what was occurring, I couldn't help feeling the ache of want prompting me to lean further into the touch; to feel more of the comfort that it seemed to provide. The presence of heat left, then returned once more before I could protest. The beginnings of a foreign rumble grew within my chest, and that of itself was puzzling. Curiosity piqued, I grew relaxed and allowed for the ministrations to continue; hoping that this may allow me to discern the intent and origins of this particular presence.

All the stress and pressure began to fade from my mind; a literal weight lifting from my shoulders. I had not encountered such an experience during my first time, but this was heavenly, in a sense that was new to me. Suddenly an inverted feeling of ease began to invade upon this atmosphere of calm, and I began to grow restless. My chi slowed in its movements before swirling in a ball of uncertainty. Drawing my attention away from the soothing touches, I focused in on the timbre of undulating voices that were quickly beginning to escalate. The touch suddenly vanished, and my heart began to pound in a growing panic. Yelling. _Anger_. Pain. What I could coherently make out from the muddled voices was limited, yet I sensed that something was terribly wrong.

Was it Don? Had I unintentionally hurt him throughout all this? A sinking feeling rose in the pit of my stomach at the thought. No. Not Don. Instincts which had been honed to a fine point suddenly kicked in, and I knew that I could not rest until I knew that my brothers were unharmed and well. Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I forced myself into full awareness; the darkness impeding upon my initial sight. Worry gnawing at the back of my mind, I lurched forward and felt for Donatello. I would never forgive myself if I had gone too far - taken too much - and hurt him. Relief washed over me as my hands came in contact with his warm cheek. Blinking away the darkness receding from my vision, I quickly looked over Don in a frenzy of worry. He was still upright, and well. No wounds. No complications. He seemed weary, but healthy nonetheless. He was perfectly fine, and that knowledge allowed me to breath once more. However my respite was short lived as the commotion continued - _outside_ of the Dojo quarters. Confusion and worry once more returned, and I immediately took to an - albeit wobbly - stand.

"_I can't believe that I fell for your stupid act-"_

"_Really!? This is my fault. You were-"_

"_Don't you dare blame this on m-"_

"_I'm this close to knocking you on your shell-"_

"_You would like that wouldn't you? That's all you ever wanted me-"_

"_Shit! I told you it wasn't-"_

"_You just wanted someone who would_ _lie back and let you-"_

"_You enjoyed it!"_

"_Maybe I lied! Just like someone I know!"_

"_I didn't-"_

"_Liar, liar, liar! Big, fat, red _liar_!" _

Those voices… Michelangelo and Raphael? It was safe to say that I was utterly confused at this moment. Sure Mike and Raph got into little tussles every now and then, but that's all it ever was. They would normally start out in a teasing manner and end in high spirits. However this situation proved to be different. The venom and scalding anger prominent in this particular argument was concerning. I could already sense something dark and dangerous looming ahead. A wave of unease threatened to break loose over my body and I knew that I had to take control of this situation before any irreparable damage occurred.

"What!? Where… Mikey is he- Raph? _Raphael_!?" With the wisp of post-transfusion fog slowly fading from my mind I lurched upward and made my way towards the shoji with Donnie scrambling to follow suit. Both turned to look at me as I stumbled upon them standing right before the Dojo entrance.

"Hey look! It's Leo." There was something off about Mikey's tone of voice. Too sickly sweet with a hint of exaggerated sarcasm, and I frowned in distaste. "Perfect timing bro, there's something Raph _really_ wants to get off his chest."

"_Mikey_," Raph growled out in warning. My gaze flickered on over to the hot-head and I could practically see sparks of fire blazing behind his golden orbs; the toothpick in his mouth straining under the pressure of grinding teeth. It was look that was mainly reserved for the guys on the other side of a battle. Considering that it was now aimed at Mike, I knew that if I wasn't careful, I could very well end up with a guilt-ridden Raphael - or worse. How could I not see this coming? What kind of leader was I to let it come to this? Raphael angry at me. Sure, why the hell not? Raphael frustrated with Don? It happens. Raphael more than just annoyed with Angelo? It was like hating a kitten - virtually impossible.

"Cat caught your tongue? Shame," Mikey gave Raph a pout before turning to me, "Whelp, I guess that's my cue then. You may wanna take a seat big bro, cause this'll probably be the most shocking news you've heard yet,"

He cupped a hand around his mouth and began to intentionally whisper loudly. My brows furrowed at this display of behavior. Mikey only got like this when he was truly upset and bothered. "Raphie-boy's secretly been wantin' you to be his fuck toy-" Suddenly time seemed to come to a standstill and all sound faded to the background. I took a moment to see things for what they were, such as Mike's blank stare - anger sparking behind the veil of fanatical desperation. Don shoving aside the Shoji - Expression determined and Bo in hand. Raphael's barred teeth and flaring gaze - right hand curling into a fist. All telltale signs leading up to what happened next.

The stillness was soon shattered by the movement of Raph's swing. The sound of blood rushed past my ears as instinct had me lunging forward without a second thought. I shoved Mike aside with my body and expertly caught Raph's fist; my feet sliding across the floor from the power he exerted. Yet, the force behind the blow was immense, and I had to struggle to keep it from extending far enough to hit Don instead. I could see the brown gaze of Donnie widen as the knuckles of my hand lightly grazed across his beak; a tingle of energy surging between us from the contact. That was close. _Too close. _Releasing Raphael's hand, I heaved in a breath and gave the genius a question look. He quickly gave me a nod of assurance and a small smile.

Giving him a sharp nod in return, and shaking my shoulders, I whirled on Raphael and let out an uncharacteristic growl. I'd had _enough_. Enough of his damn temper and foul mood swings. I had hoped to avoid a direct confrontation. I had wanted to give him space - let him explain. However, this was crossing a line.

"Bakayarō," my gaze narrowed as I zeroed in on Raphael, "what the hell is your problem?" My hands curled into fists as I stepped closer. It took immense willpower to not try and beat some common sense into him right then and there. How much more of an idiot could he be? I could tolerate him wailing those fists at me, but at Mikey or Don? That was something I would not tolerate in the least.

Everyone grew silent at the iciness that reverberated in my voice. Raph's amber eyes swung to my own; chest heaving with deep pants of anger. I glared at him and huffed a breath through my flaring nostrils. His beak curled into a snarl as his fists clenched tighter in response. His emerald body shook with the desire to hit something, and right now his sights had happily zoned on me. I tensed in preparation, faintly aware of Donnie edging closer in worry.

Suddenly a single exhale of a sniffle broke my concentration and I glanced over my shoulder to find Mikey standing behind me; eyes growing watery in complete frustration and anger. His expression seemed broken, and my heart ached at seeing my carefree brother silently suffering. I had to wonder what Raph had done this time. In greater retrospect, I had to wonder what _I_ had missed this time.

"Angelo, I -" Raph's voice cracked and I watched him curiously; silently observing as an array of emotions flitted across his face. Hope flickered within me as his expression turned solemn - mouth open as if to speak. The part of me that wasn't seething in anger was silently pleading that he fix this before it was too late. Instead, he snapped his beak shut and turned to glare at me instead. I understood. Raphael was stubborn, and he would not let this go easily. Perhaps it was time to show him just how truly stubborn I could be in turn.

"Donnie." It didn't take a genius to know what I was asking of him, but I still felt relieved when he took action without question. Murmuring lowly, Don managed to steer a disturbingly quiet Mike towards the lab. Shutting the door behind them I was finally left alone with Raph.

"You better have one hell of a good explanation Raphael, or so help me…"

Raphael cut me off with a humorless laugh, "Or what big brother? You gonna ground me?"

"No. God so help me, I will beat your ass," Raph's beak shut at that, and he growled in annoyance. Muscles coiled tight, he lowered his head in mimicry of an upset bull. It was a frightening show of his strength and temper, but I had never been afraid of him. There was no need, because I have always known that he was better than this. Raphael wasn't just brute strength and anger - he just needed help getting his head back on straight - and that's what I would do. Even if I earned a few broken bones during the process.


	12. Struggle

**A/N**: Lo and behold I am back for the time being. How long will this last? Who knows. However, I thought it was time to give this story a little bit of attention. To be honest this chapter is a mess. I've read over it a dozen times, and altered it a bunch more. I don't even know anymore. So excuse me for any mistakes, - especially with dialogue - and hopefully this makes a little bit of sense. Let me know if I should think about putting it back to the drawing board. It all depends on how productive I am feeling. Enjoy.

* * *

Leonardo's P.O.V.

* * *

"Explain little brother. My patience grows weary," I narrowed my eyes as his amber gaze followed my every movement - waiting for the chance to make his move. He was growing restless and I could feel the coil of energy radiating from him impatiently. Another beat of his sharp breaths went by, before he finally broke it with a verbal lash out.

"Know what, fuck you Leo! I ain't just your lil' brother. I've got my own life and you're a self-righteous asshole who thinks he can stick his nose where it don't belong. Now ev'rythin's goin' to shit and I ain't got time for this… fuck, fuck, _fuck_."

"Raphael you're not making any sense. Take a moment and clear your mind of this anger. It's clouding your judgment and impeding on your ability to explain any of this to me. I promise I'll try to fix it, but I can't do anything if you don't allow me the chance to understand." My voice was smooth and calm and I could tell Raph had to fight against the instinct in allowing the words to cool his rising temper.

"No shit Leo! You never understand. You're so fuckin' clueless that it drives me up the goddamn wall. Why the hell is this happening, grrughh_hh~_"

I felt my heart ache at the complete despair and desperation lining his voice. I moved in closer in an attempt to reassure him that everything was alright; that I would help him get through this because I loved him. We were family. Despite everything, I would still be there for him if he asked me - needed me - to be.

Instead he released a low growl and moved to shrug me off. Pivoting himself away he began to thump a fist against his forehead in emphasis - muttering under his breath a sequence of berating statements to himself. It was a rapid series of rough smack, after deliberate hit, after snide curse and then repeat. It was to the point his forehead was twinging a paler palette of his mask color. A thread of worry and unease began to writhe within me as he continued the self inflicted abuse. I moved to snag at his wrist.

"Raph, stop you're gonna-," The sharp crescendo of his voice interrupted me once more.

"Know what. Just fuck it all to hell. Mikey and I, we'll be fine. We always are. Don? He's a big boy, he'll figure it out. He always does. You and me though?" his lip curled as if the thought proved to be distasteful.

"You and me. We got some shit to work out, and it ain't gonna be pretty," lifting his head, he glared at me under a bowed brow, "my life would've been fine if you weren't so damn irritating, and _perfect_. Everyone wants to be you - _with_ you? Or - o-or just…" he shook off the uncharacteristic display of being flustered, and plowed onward.

"It always comes back to ya Leo! And the sad part is, you're too blind to even see it," he released a humorless chuckle, " Mike practically yelled it to your face but you didn't even bother to pay attention. You claim to be so damn focused, but you miss the most obvious shit," a sneer made its way across his beak. An old anger sparked in his eyes, and I couldn't help but question if he was still talking about what had transpired moments ago.

"Lucky for me, I ain't swooning over ya like the others. I don't need you! Never did, and never will!"

_What the hell-?_

That was the only warning I received before a flurry of jabs were thrown at me. Hips and torso swiveled in tune with each strike of his hands - flexing muscle that managed to bulge even further under the extra strain. Although my reflexes were somewhat lagged, I wasted no time in lunging backward; bandanna tails trailing after me like streaks of blue clashing against an advancing wall of red. I threw my hands up in a block - pivoting and twisting my forearms in an attempt to parry each of his well executed blows. Lean back, duck, roll, block, and repeat. Fast. Intense. _Terrifying_, and yet very much familiar. It was sad that the thought even bore life, but it was true.

The thud of flesh glancing off of meat and bones mingled with the harsh breaths stabbing through the air. It was worse than silence. It was the sound of pain and death; reserved to be heard in the background of battles fought with our true enemy - not with one another. However I knew this game well and I quickly took to the role I was handed.

Anticipating the next punch, I leaned in just enough to successfully throw his right jab aside. His growl of frustration finally broke through the crescendo beat of fists, and I couldn't help but flash him a single smirk; taunting him. As his beak curled up in annoyance, I dropped down into a crouch without warning, and released a jab along his left hip. Raphael was not to be deterred so easily. Swiveling with the hit, he lifted his right knee in retaliation and brought it down alongside my face; a gritty crunch echoed within my eardrums and I knew that it was the first break of many to come.

"You just had to ruin everything!" he shifted his stance in preparation to finish me off and claim victory.

"Who said we needed ya anyway!? Cause I sure as hell know it wasn't me," His voice was bordering on hysterical. He was unraveling little by little; releasing those burdens weighing heavy on his mind and soul. He just needed a bit more of a push, and fucking hell, it was my job to give it to him. Life would be so much easier if he just told me what was wrong instead of making vague remarks on an issue I was (frustratingly) blind to. Yet, life couldn't be simple could it.

Before he could execute another move, I got my feet beneath me, and sprang toward him in a low crouch. Close combat wasn't my usual forte - considering that the Katana allowed for a greater distance than the Sai - yet, it didn't mean I wasn't apt in different fighting styles.

Snarling out in annoyance, I thrust my right hand outward before following suit with my left. It was fast and quick; a blur of movement even for my own vision. Right, left, and right again. Quick, precise, and executed with enough strength to break the bones of any ordinary human. I was never as strong as Raph, but I hadn't made it this far by being weak. It was a succession of hits that climbed up from his left ankle, to his inner thighs, before brushing against his jaw, and finally glancing along his head. A loud snarl resounded with the final blow, and I wasted no time in landing another kick along his side; tossing him through the shoji and back into the dojo.

"My fault!? We haven't talked in months. Mikey's been ignoring me well enough on his own without _you_ hovering over his shoulder. So how the hell is this my fault? Tell me, I'd love to know just what kind of asshole I was this time around."

A roar of anger from the dojo was my only answer. The beast was truly clawing at the surface, and I couldn't help the faint tug of my own monster responding to the sound. I could feel the darkness stirring within but there was no panic following that particular acknowledgment. As always, Donatello worked miracles and the urge was merely a faint tug. I was revitalized and in complete control.

I brushed my fingers across my sapphire before sauntering closer to the dojo. Despite the fact that I could win this fight with the added attributes of the Ore, I knew that I had to do this in a way that would benefit Raphael. This wasn't a session to beat Raph to submission - _necessarily_. It was a twisted way for him to finally open up and release those demons the only way he could.

"Always with the dramatics Raphael. Will you never learn?" I leapt over the crushed remains of the dojo door. With practiced ease I landed in a one arm stand before springing back up into a prepared stance. "You keep blaming this all on me, merely to justify your shortcomings. I'm tired of it. It's time you learn that I will always be better than you. Throwing tantrums will no longer do you any good."

It only took a second. Between the time I rolled into a low crouch and fell into a defensive position, the room was thrown into almost absolute darkness; the candles snuffed out and scattered about, thus having seated us in all consuming shadow. A curse floated through the air and I allowed myself a small smirk. Darkness was my element after all.

"Really Leo? And you call me dramatic," the sarcasm thickly coated his words - helping to paint a mental picture of the annoyance flitting across his features. Raphael hated the fact that I excelled in areas that he did not.

I could feel his breaths disturbing the air; causing the currents of the atmosphere to shift minutely. My senses soaked in the heat signature he gave off and the way the leather along his arms creaked from the strain of trying to bind such bulging muscle. I smirked in anticipation and prepared to pounce.

Suddenly there was a shift in the air and the atmosphere became laden with something of a new variety. I could sense that beneath all the anger and confusion was a coil of something hot and heavy; forbidden perhaps. A different breed of a beast was growing within Raphael and I could feel my own stirring in interest. I paused in momentary confusion, and was a fool to do so. Raphael sensed the distraction and took full advantage. After all, detecting faults and weaknesses was one of his greatest strengths.

The sting of his blow didn't initially hurt yet the pain was inevitable and soon my face was set ablaze; a molten heat spreading from around my eye, through my cheek, and down my jaw. Everything throbbed from the sudden impact.

It's almost as if time itself has stopped with how still everything has become. I don't know what's more surprising, his own surprise that he broke a sparring cardinal rule, or the fact that he hadn't taken advantage of the moment. His heavy breaths are the only indication that he is still here; waiting and watching.

"Leo - _shit_..." He lets out a string of curses as he finally jolts into motion. My eyesight blurs for a second as the artificial lighting in the dojo is turned on, and I bite back a hiss of irritation. However my momentary discomfort is quick to fade in the presence of a greater pain.

Slowly I begin to move as well, and methodically unfurl my fingers. I gently rotate my jaw and manage to suppress a flinch. Definitely fractured - if not broken. Don's gonna give me hell about this. Nostrils flaring, I flick my gaze up and glare steadily at Raphael under a pinched brow. He's actually nervous; his feet shifting in uncertainty and fingers twitching in aggravation. It's surprising, but no less amusing. Very well. If this is the game he wishes to play then he will hear no protest from me. Holding back a grin of amusement - I lunge.

I know that Raph will block as soon as I throw the punch, but that's what I'm counting on. Shifting my stance slightly I manage to lean in on his left and pivot my aim to the underside of his jaw. Master Splinter taught us well however, and Raph is able to anticipate the action and syncs his movements with my own. Fortunately this leaves his plastron unguarded, and by the grimace on his face, he realizes it a second too late. Improvisation and adaptation has always been a strong suit of mine, thus I take up the opportunity to execute a hit along his chest. Having momentarily lost his balance, I am quick to slip a foot behind his leg and hip check him to the ground. I watch with satisfaction as realization registers on his face. This victory belongs to me, and the thump of his shell smacking against the matt is like music to my ears.

I hadn't felt a soreness like this in months. Truth be told, Raph and I had been avoiding each other for months. There had been a decrease in conversation, let alone physical contact in the last couple of weeks. The marrow in my bones seemed to ache with a dull throb, and the pounding in my head did nothing to help. Despite the vulgarity of the situation, (the violence and rage palpable between brothers) I was somewhat loathe to admit that it was familiar. It had never been how I wanted our relationship to develop; filled with hate and rage, blood and bruised cheeks. Yet, it had taken on this color without my notice, and Raph had seemed determined to keep it that way.

In time I had come to accept it - until even that changed without a moment's notice. He had become closed off, and thus developed a more obtuse personalty. He had left me stranded in unknown waters without a clue on how to react to his change in demeanor. Therefore, we had remained distant. It had become regarded as the new constant in our relationship; until recently that is, and I couldn't help but feel a single thread of satisfaction at the familiarity of it. I released my grip about his shoulders and sat back slowly. His thighs tensed beneath me, yet relaxed the next instant.

Panting out a single breathe, I cocked my head to the side, and regarded Raph with a wary eye. He seemed to be harmless, but I knew better than most. A snake was harmless until you made the mistake of disturbing it. It was more of a question on whether I was willing to chance being bitten. He had slung his right forearm lazily over his eyes in defeat, but I had a distinct feeling that he was far from exhausted. His chest heaved upward, before descending to a low point and repeating. I hummed lowly in thought. I still had questions that warranted answers, and I had the sinking feeling that this fight may be far from over.


End file.
